You've Changed

A big thank you to Andrew Hackman of Hackman's Musings for sharing this recent cartoon by nakedpastor (seriously can't believe I haven't subscribed to his RSS feed. Subscribed!).

[You've Changed by David Hayward]

I've gotten the You think too much and you read too much the most when I speak to others about my deconversion. Although, I would rather describe it more of discovering my own journey than a deconversion. I was never converted to Christianity in the first place (I was one of the lucky souls born into the faith) and there was no single moment where I abandoned Christianity cold turkey. This cartoon vividly describes my departure from the church. I believe if we look beyond the snappy one liners we'll find the pain of separation beneath and in between the statements. Anyone who's left the church (or any faith) can attest it is a painful experience to wrench yourself from your community, friends, and family. Those left behind feel betrayed, and the one leaving feels alone, exiled, without a home. It's not an easy decision that many are willing to make, yet feel they must to feel true to themselves.

I remember one conversation I had with my wife about my change of faith when I had an epiphany and I freely admitted I could not pray without feeling I was somehow lying. I had convinced myself for months I could stay in the church and go through the motions only to realize in the end I would  be lying to everyone around me. This doesn't mean I refuse to go to church if invited. I would bow my head out of respect and reverence but I would not be praying to any god. I pray with my kids at night and during meals because we had decided to raise the children Southern Baptist. I keep my beliefs to myself unless asked directly.  So when I have these types of interactions with believers I don't take it personally anymore because even the beliefs and ideas I hold now are subject to change.

It is not an easy decision to step away from any community. And as someone who thinks too much I thought about this constantly before making any public declaration on straying from the fold. The fact that we ("the straying sheep") thought about the social ramifications means we do care. Our ties to family, friends, and to our community and roots are very important, but so is our personal quest of self discovery. When I left the church it wasn't because I was being led astray by the devil or that I love sin too much. I left the cackle of voices telling me how to be human and set out on a journey to experience my humanity. I had questions to ask and wrestle with and no environment in which to tackle these questions. Some would ask "why ask these questions in the first place?" and then go on to show me their bag of answers.

I'm not looking for easy answers, I'm looking for questions that will last a lifetime answering.

I'm looking to discover myself in others and others in myself.

I'm looking to simply be.

Retaining Your Identity

Dr. James McGrath over at Exploring Our Matrix recently asked "if you are a 'none' or even if you are connected with a religion, do you care if your children shift identities?" The short answer is no, not at all. The main reason why is because I shifted through several different identities myself within the last 5 years. I hope they remain open-minded and I don't care which faith they eventually settle with as long as the faith resonates with them. Although, I would rather they don't become fundamentalists of any faith.

[My Alien II by Bloommer. Follow the link to check out some of Bloomer's other works.]

I admit I would like to see my children follow my beliefs but I realize the beliefs I (currently) accept are the result of years of questioning, exploring, and evolving. I believe two people may follow the same faith tradition but their personal religious and/or spiritual experiences are unique. My wife is Baptist and since I (currently) consider myself a None we are raising them in the Baptist tradition. Religion is a touchy subject in our family so as the odd man out I try not to stir the pot and I'm fine with attending whatever church we call home (we begin church shopping next week). What I DO want to pass on to my children is to be loving towards your neighbor and to follow the wisdom of Ecclesiastes: eat, drink, have a few good friends, a career they love, and be merry. As a None I personally believe that as the globe becomes more interconnected people will begin to question their previous tribal and religious boundaries. I don't care if my children shift identities, what I do care is how they relate to their neighbor.

Get Out!

"To the Atheist watching this telecast if our belief in God offends you, Move!... We don't want you and we won't miss you." John Hagee

I've been silent here for well over a month for personal reason I won't go into too much detail. Let's just say that I had to part ways with an unnamed major cellular company. I worked at their call center for the last year and a half before the stress got to me and I snapped. I am going back to school in the fall to get my M.S. in Computer Science so I'll have a bit more free time to post. One video posted yesterday by Vorjack at Unreasonable Faith (love these guys) caught my attention this morning.



Hagee and the rest of his Super Best Friends are in their death throes clawing and gnashing at everyone and everything that doesn't fit their version of Christianity. What can you do when the latest surveys and reports in the last few years state that churches across America are hemorrhaging young people? Shut the door, plug your ears, and yell. They feel that their existence is in peril, and it is unless they change. And since change is seen as a threat, as polluting the holy, it is out of the question. To them it is much easier to tell your neighbor to move than to shake their hand. It is easier to ignore their existence and even threaten them than to coexist with them. Why? Because they, Hagee and friends, are so stuck on the idea of exclusivity that reality becomes a cosmic battle of dominance. It is either us or them, only one side CAN win. Like the dwarfs sitting in a pitch black stable in C.S. Lewis' The Last Battle some (not all) evangelicals would rather live in their version of reality than embrace the possibility that our neighbor may not be the boogie men some megaphone-mouthed pastors portray them as, but may even be *gasp!* human. What bothers me about this video is not Hagee and his comments, but the audience's overwhelming support. It's the everyday people and their support of these unloving comments in a "house of love". I'm sure at some point the congregation sang a hymn about how much God loves everyone. An ideal which unfortunately has been sacrificed for the temporary survival of the group.

As the shift continues towards more non-traditional forms of spirituality (or even None at all) the fundamentalist theists will get louder and more violent in their rhetoric. The non-theist, agnostic, atheist and non-traditional spiritualist must hold our ground not in fighting fire with fire but to extinguish hateful words with love and understanding. Our goal should be to lessen the suffering of others not add to it. And for those still in a religious group like this one who feel uncomfortable I urge you to leave, not to convert you to my side but to urge you to find your own path, your own cosmic song to sing. Get out and follow that which inspires you to be a better you.