Our Thoughts About God

This image sums the first of many questions I asked myself when I began my spiritual journey over 7 years ago.

"Our thoughts about God are just that: thoughts about God. They are not God. They approximate God. This includes the thoughts, now written, of the biblical writers and all theologians since. All their thoughts and all their writings are not God, but approximations of God." -David Haward (You can see more of David's work here.)

This was when I began to differentiate between my thoughts and what God is. How I define God is just that, my definition. To embrace the idea that our thoughts are just approximation carries with it a humbling affect. It allows me to understand how someone else may view and define God (or anything else for that matter) differently. God then becomes malleable (a playdoh god, maybe?)  able to change shape and grow depending on the viewer. This tells us more about ourselves than it does about God herself granting us another window into the heart of our neighbor. Is there a God beyond our personal playdoh god? Sure, why not, who knows. Does it matter? That depends how important it is to you for your thoughts about God to be real.

This is something most people don't readily think about because it introduces a sliver of doubt on what they consider to be the foundation of their beliefs. But doubt is not the "gateway drug" which leads down the slippery road to Atheism, it is a constructive tool which helps us analyze our beliefs. Analyzing what we believe helps us to better understand why we believe the things we believe. Would you rather accept a belief system you simply inherited from your parents and/or environment or would you like the chance to choose what you believe for yourself? In the end we decide what religion to follow (or not follow), which house of worship to attend, and what spiritual practices to practice. In the end we make our choices based on our thoughts after weighing the evidence we analyzed. Now multiply that process by several billion people and it becomes clear that our thoughts about God are simply that, our thoughts.

The importance of Change

The concept of personal growth and change has been on my mind again, something which I touch upon here a lot. It is an important topic to me because I've embraced that change is constant. And even though some changes in the universe can be interpreted as negatively impacting our lives I can't recall anyone actively seeking change which would make their life worse. Looking back we might be able to pick out the bad choices in our lives but at the moment we may have believed that was the best decision for ourselves. When it comes to my personal spiritual growth I have made choices which I believe would strengthen my spirituality, and my walk with my fellow man. Others who fail to understand the reasons behind my choices will interpret my change as negatively impacting my life as well as those closest to me. They say with a negative tone that "you've changed" as if shaming me would shock me back into being the old Sam.

I don't believe it is possible to go back to being the person we were before. We are constantly being affected by our environment, people, and events that it is simply impossible. And if it were possible (say by some timey,wimey revision of history) what would be the point of living a life where nothing changed? Outside of it being incredibly boring you wouldn't experience anything new and exciting, nothing would happen to you. So when others approach me with the "you've changed" look/tone I feel as if they would prefer that I stay in the same state that they're comfortable with, regardless of my personal feelings. They are uncomfortable with your changes without knowing the reasons behind the change. I've gone from 7th Day Adventist -> SBNR (I'm not in love with the label but that's the best I can find so far) and most don't ask what inspired (and continues to inspire) me to change or discuss my journey but instead focus on what was so wrong about my prior religious identity that I had to discard it. When I reply with "it simply didn't work for me" most take it as an attack on Christianity itself and by then any hopes of dialogue dissolves into a rant of how lost I am and ends with them saying they'll be praying for me (I've got a small army of people praying for me). Just because Christianity doesn't work for me DOES NOT mean it won't work for you. But if you're of the mindset that one faith is completely true then by definition it has to work for everyone, and if not the blame falls on the individual and not the religion. My beliefs changed because of the experiences, people, and events in my life. Change was bound to happen and will happen again. So how will you react to changes in your life? Will you fight or embrace them?

Do I Offend?

Religion is a touchy subject, it has its pitfalls but it also has those beautiful awe inspiring moments found in the stories they tell. When I speak about those stories I do so with full respect to the people who place their faith in them.  I'm not here to pull the rug from under anyone's feet, that's counter productive. I do however shine a light on the evils caused by men using religion to carry out their unjust deeds. Even Agnostics have morals and values, we're just as human as everyone else. Every now and then I'll write a post or make a passing comment related to religion which causes a Facebook friend to "delete" me, or I find myself on the receiving end of a long winded speech as to how I'm going to Hell. These don't phase me anymore I just find it curious as to why people find it necessary to act this way. First,  I do become a bit discouraged that a long time friend would sever our digital friendship over a difference of opinion/belief since social networking sites is the main way I keep in touch with many of my friends. (A busy stay at home dad working to finish a M.S. on a tight budget doesn't get out to socialize much.) So unless I run into them by chance at the grocery store I may never see them again. (By this point I realize that if they get THAT offended over a string of words we weren't very good friends to begin with.) Second, threatening me with eternal torment in Hell is like threatening me with a flock of evil, flying (but decently dressed) monkeys. I'd just find it amusing.

So I asked myself, how did I offend others? Was it my choice in words? Was it the method in which they were delivered? Was it the message itself? Or was it simply because I'm on the "wrong team"? I'm a fairly friendly person, so much so that my wife says I'd be friendly to Hitler. I don't go around spouting hate either. What I've concluded ( those offended please correct me if I'm wrong) is that I'm simply batting for the wrong team. Once you're seen as the "enemy" all sorts of walls go up. Some will try to convince you to come over to their team so that they won't have to view you as the enemy. Others will cut off all interaction so that they don't become infected with your beliefs. Either way things change, people change. And as we enter into a new year let us ask ourselves how we will change? Will your changes make a difference in the lives of others? Or will your walls seclude yourself from others causing you to fear them?

Conversations with Ourselves- The External Struggle

So far we've covered the struggle with mustering up the courage to ask ourselves who we really are and the internal struggle it brings when we open up Pandora's box. It's one thing to internally wrestle with difficult questions but the external struggle with what others may think is different and can be just as challenging (even more so for some). Keeping the internal struggle in is near impossible, we want someone to talk to, someone to share in the journey.

We gravitate towards a community where we can be comfortable. A place where we can suffer and journey with one another instead of alone. We first try to reach out to our friends and family members because we trust them to accept us for who we are and to be understanding. This can be difficult if they firmly oppose what you may be struggling with (i.e. change in religious beliefs, change in political stance, or sharing something like sexual orientation) and the fear of rejection by your loved ones can be too much to bear.

How do you handle both the external and internal struggles? Some would say it's far easier to give up asking and go back to who you once were. Go back to what? We are constantly changing, evolving, so there's no way I could be the same person I was before I started questioning. In my situation I did not have anyone locally who shared my same evolving views. And that's when I turned to the internet and sought out a digital community of like-minded people. If it weren't for people like Don (Simple Thoughts from a Questions Man), Doug B (Groping the Elephant), Andrew Hackman (Hackman's Musings), and Ronnie (Dreaming with Captron52) I wouldn't have progressed as far as I have without their experiences and insights they shared (there are many more so don't feel bad if I left you off, I appreciate you as well). The internet grants us the ability to connect with others across the globe who share the same interest. My recent post on the spirituality of Facebook touches on this global connectedness. The web also grants us with a digital dose of courage allowing us to say things we wouldn't normally say to people face to face. Believe me, I've gotten quite a few suggestions that I should jump off a cliff or that they're praying for my lost soul and one interesting "I hope your children kill you for what you believe". I believe the interactions, comments, and squabbles on social networking sites like Facebook depends solely on the participants. If you're a jerk (or I should say "troll") then your external struggle is going to be much harder.

I know some of the things I say may offend, but why are you offended? Have you tried to examine why you may feel offended by my non-belief? If I say "I don't believe that Jesus is the son of God", or "the God of the Bible is too violent", why would it bother you (if you're Christian)? It's just a statement of what I believe (or not believe) and declaring a statement should not destroy your beliefs. I don't go out of my way either to pose these questions to those who may feel uncomfortable (I have certain Facebook friends filtered out from receiving certain "blasphemous" posts).  HOW and WHY we say things is important but more important is the quality of our relationship with our friends, family, and neighbors. I want to improve that relationship while also discovering who I am. Along the way I may ask disturbing questions and I don't ask them to be a jerk but to discover and explore. Dr. McGrath at Exploring Our Matrix sumed it up best: "let's be human first."

Part 1) Conversations with Ourselves: The Question
Part 2) Conversations with Ourselves: The Internal Struggle
Part 3) Conversations with Ourselves: The External Struggle
Part 4) Conversations with Ourselves:  Reflections on Who We Were
Part 5) Conversations with Ourselves: Making Peace with Chaos
Part 6) Conversations with Ourselves: Making Sense of It All

Retaining Your Identity

Dr. James McGrath over at Exploring Our Matrix recently asked "if you are a 'none' or even if you are connected with a religion, do you care if your children shift identities?" The short answer is no, not at all. The main reason why is because I shifted through several different identities myself within the last 5 years. I hope they remain open-minded and I don't care which faith they eventually settle with as long as the faith resonates with them. Although, I would rather they don't become fundamentalists of any faith.

[My Alien II by Bloommer. Follow the link to check out some of Bloomer's other works.]

I admit I would like to see my children follow my beliefs but I realize the beliefs I (currently) accept are the result of years of questioning, exploring, and evolving. I believe two people may follow the same faith tradition but their personal religious and/or spiritual experiences are unique. My wife is Baptist and since I (currently) consider myself a None we are raising them in the Baptist tradition. Religion is a touchy subject in our family so as the odd man out I try not to stir the pot and I'm fine with attending whatever church we call home (we begin church shopping next week). What I DO want to pass on to my children is to be loving towards your neighbor and to follow the wisdom of Ecclesiastes: eat, drink, have a few good friends, a career they love, and be merry. As a None I personally believe that as the globe becomes more interconnected people will begin to question their previous tribal and religious boundaries. I don't care if my children shift identities, what I do care is how they relate to their neighbor.

The Meaning of Life

I've been out for over a month due to one main reason. The Mrs. and I welcomed our new little girl into the world last week, and while my wife recovers from her c-section I've been taking care of all 3 of our kids including house duties. Although I've been silent and absent from the blogging world I've been keeping up as much as I can via Google Reader from my smartphone. I intend to start blogging again once everything settles and we get back to our daily routine. Without getting too cliché I'd like to say that even though I don't believe in a Divine Being with a master plan or some inherent meaning to life doesn't mean there isn't anything meaningful in this world. To watch my little ones grow, learn, and explore the world we live in is more than enough meaning for me. There will be suffering which I hope I'll be able to suffer with them when they need me. But there will also be love and happiness, which I also hope I'll be there to enjoy with them. Life isn't about worshiping a divine creator, and even if a creator existed I highly doubt we were created for his/her personal gratification. My wife and I decided to have kids because of Love. They were born out of Love and they will be loved no matter what they do or who they become, and I will teach them to share in this Love. How can anyone, including the Divine, bring something into such a chaotic world and say "I will only Love you if..."? I can't imagine not loving my family, and by extending who we consider family I can't imagine not loving my fellow man. John was right, all we need is Love.

My Thoughts on the Greatest Commandments

I woke up this morning oddly thinking about the Greatest Commandments which for those who don't know their Bibles (myself included, I had to Google it) is found in Matthew 22:36-40.

³⁶ “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’
³⁸ This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'
⁴⁰ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

(I know I've used this picture in a recent post, but I just love it to bits. You can get the t-shirt here, now for only $12. Argh, I should have waited.)

The first thing I do whenever I read a passage from a sacred text is remember that these words were written in a different time and place. These words carried different weight and meaning back in 1st century Palestine than 21st century America. Regardless I am aware that these two commandments are references to the Shema (Deuteronomy 6:4-6) and to a reference to an Old Testament Law (Leviticus 19:18) Jesus was once again using to pull the rug from under his debater's feet. He took something his audience was familiar with and turned it upside down and inside out to make a point. How his message(s) were read depends on us the reader. Once we read, think, or write about it, the meaning changes. There are timeless truths in the Bible but I don't believe the Bible itself IS a timeless truth. If the Bible were a timeless unchanging truth our legal system, culture, heck even our grocery stores would be completely alien.

This passage reads differently for me than it would to a Southern Baptist Christian (my favorite example of Christianity because I live in Southern Baptist country, gimme that ol' time religion!), not because I want it to be different to fit my worldview but because I speak in a different language than a Southern Baptist. The words carry different meaning in my language.

To me the first commandment reads:

• Open your heart, make yourself vulnerable to Reality with every ounce of your being, and by opening your heart you struggle lessens in shared suffering. No one has to suffer or enjoy bliss alone. 
• Be open-minded to what you can discover about Reality, you don't have to believe in magic there are enough wonders in the universe for humanity to unravel, experience, and explore.
• Open your soul to Reality by understanding and embracing your individual uniqueness. You are a unique cosmic phenomenon, the universe never has nor will ever see the likes of you again.

The Second commandment reads like the first:

• By opening your heart, mind and soul to the wondrous and beautiful reality we live in we understand that we are connected to one another. We don't have to live life as if we are completely separate and isolated beings, but connection to one another and to the universe makes us vulnerable, which, in my humble opinion, scares the shit out of us. We're all scared even though we try to hide that fear behind beliefs and faith (faith in general, not just religious faith). By understanding that we all (yes, that includes homosexuals and Muslims) are connected to one another we can empathize with our neighbor no matter how strange their beliefs and culture may seem on the surface. And through understanding and empathy blossoms the opportunity for love and beauty.

I know I might sound overly optimistic and slightly ignorant of how the real world works, and you might be right. I admit I'm a fairly open-minded person but I'm not going as far as saying that holding hands with your neighbor and singing "All You Need is Love" by the Beatles will make war and poverty go away. I'm just saying that by understanding our interconnectedness to each other, to the universe, we may begin to minutely understand how our personal actions and beliefs may affect our neighbor. I believe that even a tiny bit of understanding and empathy can go a long way.

Hiatus...Hello Sweetie!

So I've been out for awhile...a long while. I've been absent from the blogging world (reading and writing) due to minor health reasons and also because the Mrs. and I have been busy preparing for the arrival for our newest little bundle of joy. For the last month I've been busy painting and putting together the baby's furniture. Our kids are excited mainly because they now get to share a room with their new bunk beds. As a father of 2 kids I can honestly say that I can never get used to the anticipation of bringing new life into the world, and I'm sure my wife feels it 10 times more than I ever will. To be able to bring something new and unique into this beautiful, chaotic, and breath-taking universe is a blessing I will never take for granted. Which is why I can't understand why some people choose to abandon, abort, or even abuse their children. Now I'm not here to rally against abortion but simply stating that the anticipation and joy of bringing new life into the cosmos is so overwhelming that I can never imagine any other "options".

My wife is someone who is cutely impatient sometimes, and how can you blame her. I'd be the same way if I had to carry a life form which is constantly kicking and draining the life out of me. My wife is the type of person who can't wait to find out what happens in a book so she skips to the end or Googles the plot to see if the heroine of the story has a happy ending. This is why we're dishing out a few extra bucks to get the 4D ultrasound to see how River's face will look like. Yes, that's right, the Mrs. and I are HUGE Doctor Who fans and have named our new little girl after Riversong. I know it's not the most traditional of names but it is beautiful and of course my wife was also named after the witch from Bewitched. Nothing beats tradition. Now let's hope we don't run into a time traveling future version of River as we rush to the delivery room in December.

Spoilers!

Who Are You? Who Am I?

It's questions like these which keep me probing, picking, and wrestling within my mind. The simple question "who are you?" is a corrosive enough question which most people don't even dare to reflect upon let alone answer. If you were to ask someone who they were they would respond with titles, labels, occupations, etc. But are you, am I, merely a collection of labels and titles?



That question itself is what put me on the path I'm on today. Once you allow yourself even once to peak beyond the Wizard's curtain you can't help but tear down every curtain you see. Asking questions is my spirituality, even though I know these questions might not ever lead to answers. I'm not looking for answers, which is what the religions of the world claim to have, I'm looking for interconnectedness with reality, my fellow man, the All. What better way to connect with one another than through the corrosive questions which melt away the labels and ideas which separate us.

Don't Waste Your Prayers on Me

"I'm praying for you" is the most common closing response I get whenever I share my lack of belief in Christianity or a supreme Being. I don't find it offensive or disturbing, simply pointless. Now I'm sure there are plenty of people praying for me to "see the light" and change my mind but if the prayers haven't worked so far why continue wasting your prayers on me, or any other unbeliever for that matter? I'm not saying prayer is pointless, in fact even as an unbeliever I find prayer and meditation an incredible way to connect oneself with the All, with everyone and everything else. Prayer is the vehicle which cracks open our hearts to reality and teaches us how to love one another through understanding and interconnectedness. Of course, this is my opinion as to how prayer should be utilized and not for one's own personal gain. Praying that your loved ones agree with you, join in with your tribal/religious community, is more for one's own interest than in the interest of the ones you're praying for, your fellow man.

So when I say don't waste your prayers on me I'm not saying stop praying, I'm saying change what you're praying for.
-Instead of praying for someone to turn from their sinful lives, pray for the empathy to cry and suffer with the suffering. In shared suffering comes unending love.
-Instead of praying for situations to go your way, pray for the strength to get through the tough times. Some things may be out of our control but that is why we have each other, to get us through the downs while enjoying the ups.
-Instead of praying for people to turn to God (i.e. accept your belief system), pray for the humility to understand your neighbor.Through understanding comes love.
-Instead of praying for the defeat of your enemies and the destruction of evil, pray for the courage to stand up against injustices.

Prayer only gets us halfway there, we must do our part to answer our own prayers.

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On a related note John Shore has an incredible 3 part series on compassion and prayer for those we dislike or consider or "enemy", and the difference between praying for and forgiveness.

Because You Listened...

 ¹⁷ To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’
   “Cursed is the ground because of you;
   through painful toil you will eat food from it
   all the days of your life.
¹⁸ It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
   and you will eat the plants of the field.
¹⁹ By the sweat of your brow
   you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
   since from it you were taken;
for dust you are
   and to dust you will return.”  (Genesis 3:17-19, New International Version, ©2011)

[The Expulsion From the Garden by Gustave Dore]

For the last few months I've been spending more of my free time outside working on the pool and the yard. The kids even helped to plant hydrangeas for my wife on Mother's Day. And even after all the hard work I have put in thus far I've found I've been rewarded ten fold. I'm thankful for the chance of simply being alive,  as walking, talking stardust, where I can help through painful toil bring new life into existence to share in the experience of life.

Now I know there are various interpretations of Genesis (this one being my favorite) but I just can't stomach the Christian theology of Original Sin (let alone the misogynistic language and theme in the Bible) . To share and indulge in our innate curious spirit is as sinful as an infant exploring its environment. It is in that spirit of curiosity, exploration, and questioning that I temper with reason to fashion my world view as my world fashions me. We are interconnected, dust to dust, to the world and people around us. A growing number of people are depending less on what an outside intangible Supreme Being from a book may so "goes" verses the tangible people and events we interact with everyday. I'm fine with people following a belief system as long as they realize that in the end their actions affect the people and the world around them. Life can be difficult at times but it is much easier when we listen to each other, when we grow with each other.
It is through the hard work of removing the thorns and thistles of ignorance, bigotry, injustice, etc. that we can bring blessings from a "cursed" ground. But this can't be done by simply praying for their removal or awaiting a cosmic apocalyptic event to wash it all away, it must be done by us. And if we listened in this life we may just return to the dust leaving behind a more Edenic world for the next generation.

What We Should Celebrate

In my last post I wrote on my distaste for the jubilant celebrations which broke across the country after the announcement of Bin Laden's death. And it didn't occur to me till today why I found it distasteful. It reminded me of the scenes in old Westerns where the whole town gathers to watch a public hanging. In fact I happen to watch a Twilight Zone episode today on Netflix which mirrors how some people must be feeling these past couple days. You can watch the episode, Dust, here and here. There's also a scene where a man brings his whole family to the hanging to teach his kids what happens to a man who drinks and drives.

The Internet is abuzz with mixed emotions on Bin Laden's death. The fact that we are wrestling emotionally over the death of an undeniably evil man (at least in my opinion) is a good sign we haven't become completely heartless animals. I thoroughly enjoyed Vatican spokesman Federico Lombardi response to the celebrations "Faced with the death of a man, a Christian never rejoices, but reflects on the serious responsibility of everyone before God and man, and hopes and pledges that every event is not an opportunity for a further growth of hatred, but of peace." People responded differently to different situation, yet the call for reflection is one I believe everyone should consider as the world moves forward. It may be that the human race will never forgive nor forget Osama Bin Laden's actions. What we should remember and celebrate (instead of celebrating his death) is the opportunity to increase our love for our fellow man. Yet this can only be done if we attempt to understand them. Before 9/11 most of us probably didn't know what a mosque was. Unfortunately now we have several states trying to ban their construction and the practice of Sharia Law.

What we should celebrate is that we have the time, freedom, and opportunity to understand and embrace the people which practice Islam. Behind the veils and the Arabic prayers they are still human beings. Osama Bin Laden was not born with hatred, nor were the rest of us. I don't doubt the death of this man will bring closure and peace of mind to many people yet his legacy will live on. The legacy of tribal supremacy (Us. vs. Them); the legacy of fear of the Other/Our Global Neighbors;the legacy of failing to understand/respect the sacredness of ALL life. We must actively seek to continue to bury his legacy long after we bury the man. We have the opportunity NOW to understand and love our fellow man, and THAT should be celebrated.

Digital Fatigue

I'm not sure if "digital fatigue" is the actual term for what I'm feeling, but let's just say it's recently hit me like a ton of 01100010 01110010 01101001 01100011 01101011 01110011! My fatigue is the main reason why I haven't been blogging as much as I used to before I started working at my current job. Until now I have never worked at a job more nerve wreaking and demanding then as a customer service representative at a local call center (which will not be named). Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely love what I do not just because I get to help customers with their concerns but because the demanding environment and company expectations has driven me to excel. All of my previous jobs never demanded as much mentally either. Answering phone calls sounds like a relatively simple job except for the fact that you have to stare at a computer screen for 10 hours a day till midnight trying to calm down irate customers. At work I HAVE TO be in control of my time, words, and my systems when resolving the customers concerns. There is no off time in between calls (except for breaks, maybe), no time to simply be. I have to remain at the edge of my seat, two steps ahead of the customer and always with a smile in my voice. By the time my weekend rolls around my mind is too frazzled and exhausted to blog. I feel my blog has become more of a chore than a place of reflection which is why I've cut back to about a post a week. I want to get back to writing more meaningful reflective posts than commenting on random religious video I happen to stumble upon earlier in the week. I want to get back to what it means to participate in the universal cosmic dance, to discover my place in the interconnected tapestry we live in and share with one another. But most of all I enjoy simply being on the weekends. Sure I still have chores, yard work, and kids to tend to on my days off but these are experiences I breathe in and not tasks to be accomplished.

The Aha! Moment or How My Children Saved My Soul

In the last 5 years since I began my spiritual journey I've looked back and tried to pinpoint the moment when I realized I was on a journey, that Aha! moment. That moment when you realize you've been more than curiously researching outside of your personal worldview/belief bubble. It is the moment when things began to make more sense to me and the complexity of reality itself began to sink in. My Aha! moment began with the news that my then girlfriend (now happily married going on 5 years) and I were having our first baby. Cliché as it may sound, my whole world changed that day. My thoughts began to revolve around everything from daydreaming what physical characteristics I would pass on to my children to considering changing majors (I was a junior in college studying audio engineering) to find a more reliable job. It was a tough first few years but we pushed through and now we have a house, two beautiful kids, and thankfully both of us are employed. What inspired me to look beyond my worldview bubble wasn't a "love for sin", a negative experience with Christianity, or even a "misguided" attempt to create my own religion, all three of which I've been accused of for leaving Christianity behind. No, what inspired me to leave behind title and tribute to my religious tribe was my yearning to love a completely brand new human being as unconditionally as possible. I never appreciated the interconnectedness to my fellow man until my wife and I brought our son into the world.

2006
I took the news rather well, at first. In fact I had been mentally preparing myself for years to have children. All that preparation meant nothing, you really can't prepare yourself for such life changing news. "I'm going to have a baby", I thought to myself, "and one day they might have a baby." And that's when my mind blew a gasket.  For weeks on end all I could think about were the endless parade of descendants I will never get a chance to meet. I remember the sleepless nights where I obsessively tried to picture how they would look like, what they would do, and who they would become.  Looking back my obsession sounds silly but at the time I desperately wanted to connect with those who were yet to be. I wanted the chance to share with them all the beauties of life and also comfort them through the dark times. Why? I have no earthly idea! I simply felt it was imperative that I communicate with them somehow. I thought about leaving behind a journal, a collection of my thoughts, as a way to "speak" to them. But then I realized my obsession was turning into a desire for immortality, to be remembered long after I pass. So I decided that I should focus on being a good and loving father to my children in the here and now. I didn't know where to start, so I began by examining myself. I was 22 and I didn't have a clue who I was.

Raised in a conservative Christian home I began with the one part of myself that I knew well: my faith. Well, at least I thought I knew well until I began examining my faith. It wasn't until I began my examination that I realized I didn't really have faith at all. All I had was a collection of beliefs that were passed on from my parents. I didn't really believe them, I simply inherited them. This is not to say that I didn't believe them at one point. In my youth I had accepted Jesus into my heart and spoke to him everyday. I truly believed I was saved. I was a Christian. Now, when my family and friends hear me use the phrase "examined my faith" they jump to the conclusion that I dissected Christianity as if I were conducting an autopsy, carving away at a carcass to see what made it tick. What I really did was ask questions, A LOT of questions. Some were your basic run of the mill questions of curiosity into the history of Christianity, which were quickly answered by perusing through a few history books. But the vast majority were reflective questions that demanded more time and energy to wrestle over.  

Does God hate homosexuals? What happens to the unbelievers who never get to hear the gospel? Why is the divine portrayed as distant and separate from mankind? What IS the divine? Why is hell even necessary if God IS love? etc, etc, etc.

All I had were questions and no answers. At this point in my post any Christian reading this would be thinking, "well duh, stupid, the answers are in the Bible". And that is exactly where I first looked. But I didn't stop there because at that point I believed God (which at the time I still believed to be a supreme being) could not be contained in one book. So I read the Qur'an from cover to cover, I read parts of the Tao Te Ching, and the Bhagavad Gita. I read nonstop everything from comparative religious books to science fiction books with religious themes. [I have to say that Philip Jose Farmer's Jesus on Mars has to be one of my all time favorites. I highly recommend it!] I even changed my Minor from Music to Religious Studies. All my readings and reflections on religion, faith and God led me to the answer I already knew: to be a good and loving father, husband, and human being I just need to love. Simple, no? I didn't need to turn to religion to instruct me how to love my new family or my fellow man. Love is as natural as breathing, all we have to do is breathe in and breathe out, love and be loved. My children saved my soul not from hellfire but from a life devoid of love. Now don't get me wrong, I love my friends, family, and my darling wife but the love and connection one experiences when holding your newborn for the first time is so overwhelming all other relationships pale in comparison.

The main reason for today's post is inspired by the incredible news that the Mrs. and I found out last week that we are 8 months away from having baby number 3! The house is filled with excitement (especially the kids because they get a bunk bed) as we begin preparations for the new little one. The secondary reason is that I'd also like to hear from you and your Aha! moment. If you've already written one then please share the link in the comment section, and if not I encourage you to write about your story. I'd love to hear them.

Namaste.

Words of Wisdom

"You know, you make some things sound harder than they seem."

A wise woman shared those words with me yesterday, and I didn't place much thought into them until now. I thought to myself of all the instances that this particular phrase was uttered and I came to realize it was during times of stress and anxiety over a very simple, (and often times) menial task within the grand scheme of life. How much easier would life be if we simply took a moment to step back, breathe and examine the majestic tapestry of our lives.

Don't get me wrong life is complicated, full of suffering, and sometimes we feel so battered and broken we want to throw our hands up and quit. But how much of that suffering is brought upon our own hands, how much of it is necessary? We tend to focus too much of our time and attention on the shortcomings and mistakes of the past while in constant fear of the trials to come in the future that we forget that life is impermanent and in constant flux. Life is chaotic, one day you might experience extraordinary suffering or the next might be the best day of your life. There is nothing guiding this, sh*t just happens. We naturally deal with suffering by looking for someone to blame or to take our frustration out on (including ourselves). But this line of thinking is a misguided notion that people have power over the chaos of the universe. Not all events are caused by the hand of man and those that are may have originally begun with good intentions.

So how do we keep calm during stressful and anxious moments? By realizing that THIS moment will pass into the next and there is no guarantee that the next moment will be pleasurable or painful. I admit that statement bothers me, and it should bother you too. It sounds heartless without an ounce of compassion, but it's true, sh*t happens and sometimes there's nothing we can do about it. So who do we rely on during troubling times? Each other. By embracing the chaos of the universe we relinquish the fear of the future and the ghosts of our past, but this can only be done if we have others to lean on. This is why Adam was given a partner in Genesis, because it is not good for man to be alone. Our neighbors aren't perfect yet that is the single most beautiful trait of our humanity: it is through our shared imperfection and brokenness can we weather the storm of life's tragedies. Simple, no? I believe Kohelet, or Solomon as he's popularly known, summed up the simplicity of life in Ecclesiastes: have a few good friends, a good job, and eat, drink, and be merry. Simple and wise like the woman who shared the opening quote, my wife.

Peace and blessings.

In My Defense

My beliefs are just that, beliefs. I try to hold them lightly but when my beliefs get attacked I tend to clutch onto them as if they were a life-raft. In the heat of the discussion we forget that we are not the raft, we merely hang onto it. But why do we hold on so tightly? Will we sink if we let go? It's only recently that I fully understood why I took these attacks so personally: I associated an attack on my beliefs as an attack on me as a person. I felt as if they were attacking who I am instead what I believe.

But that's silly! How could any of us confuse who we are with what we believe? We are not a collection of beliefs and ideas, we're more than that. So much more. Yet we tenderly care for that which we are connected to, who we are connected to, and as seen in the news, places to which we share a strong connection. It is the relationship between people, places, and things which we seek to defend, not the things themselves. An idea, a belief, is what it is and doesn't need defending only understood. I'm not saying that beliefs are not worth defending but that we get so caught up in defending them that we forget who we are. Two people can debate and discuss different viewpoints without taking it too personally because they're not talking about each other (at least we hope) but sharing our innermost thoughts on a given subject. For example let's take the theology of Jesus' divinity. Two debaters, two human debaters I may add, can list why they believe or disbelieve in the divinity of Jesus. The believer can cite his/her reasons for believing in Jesus' divinity along with any evidence to support their conclusions. It is up to the disbeliever to understand the believer's position,what it means to them, and how it affects their relationship with other people. Yet relationship is not a one-way street so both camps must strive for the highest level of mutual understand of the other camp's position not in the spirit of convincing (let alone conversion) but to build relationships.

We talk, share, and discuss with one another because we're wildly social creatures! And if we truly want to strengthen and extend our relationships with one another we must guide our conversations in an open manner so that we can actually hear each other. We don't have to completely divorce our beliefs from our identity because they are a part of us, they are but one minute component in the complex organism which makes us human. We can no more understand how a clock works by studying one individual gear than we can sum up the makeup of our neighbor by a singular belief. Can a singular belief be foundational in shaping a person's character? Sure it can, but are they better or worse because of it? Does it guide them to compassion and love, or hatred and mistrust? You can't understand your neighbor with your bag of presumptions. Of course, these are just my beliefs.

The Spirituality of Brokenness

I stumbled upon this video over a year ago and it took me a lot of digging to find and embed it here. To watch this video you must have the latest version of Quicktime, believe me it's worth it. In this video Rabbi Rami spoke at Christ Community Church up in Spring Lake, Michigan last year on the spirituality in our brokenness and the suffering we experience through life.

[If the video doesn't play first make sure you have the latest version of Quicktime and if it still doesn't work try watching it here. If you're reading this through a feed reader you might have to click through to my site.]

"One becomes One. You're already one with God in all your imperfection, in all your brokenness. The people that scare me most are the people who think they're perfect. Because if you're perfect there's no where to go, right? There's no possibility for change. But spirituality seems to me is all about realizing that imperfection and brokenness is part of the greater wholeness." ~Rabbi Rami Shapiro~

It's Our Choice

Yesterday was my second visit to my mother's church and both her and my wife want us to go on a regular basis. Which I don't mind going since it gets me out of the house and the kids enjoy Sunday School. The only issue is that I personally get nothing out of it, yet there were many others who got IT. And I mean really got IT. They were raising their hands in praise shouting 'hallelujah' left and right, they got IT whatever IT may be. So far no one is aware of my unsaved soul, and I have the feeling that when it becomes known I'll have a flood of people trying to convert me. There have been many people who've attempted to bring me back into the fold and I've always been intrigued by the variety of different methodologies. Eventually some will get confused by my presence and lack of belief and shun me altogether. Which is fine, I've shaken a lot of hands in these past two visits but I've only remembered two names, it's not like I've made any friends dear to me. As I sat there I thought of what others would think to be the reason for my refusal of conversion, which leads me to the heart of the sermon: choice.

The Pastor is a vibrant and comical speaker and even though I don't agree with his beliefs I always seem to walk away with something to think about on the way home (although the thought inspired lead me in a direction he did not intend). Yesterday's sermon was on James chapter 4 and the struggle Christians face in a tempting world. We have a life-or-death choice ahead of us: God or the world. For those who've chosen to be with God must not only proclaim it from their lips but have their faith reflected in their actions. If we believe in God and life we must actively choose it and "as we draw closer to God, God draws closer to us." It's all about choice, yet the line drawn in the sand is too black and white as the Linedrawer (which they would say is God who somehow shares the same theology as they do) decides what is black and what is white. My question would be why would anyone not accept life? Is there anyone who would willingly accept death and eternal damnation? The Christian reply would be anyone who willingly does not accept Christ into their heart chooses death. How is that a choice? Any choice between two outcomes one being painful or fatal is not a choice at all! The obvious choice is the one devoid of any pain and suffering which makes this a loaded gun choice: choose my way or die.

As a very liberal Christian (if that) I don't believe in heaven or hell, nor do I believe that those following other faiths are wrong by default. They don't seek out death because they've made the wrong decision by believing in something other than Christ, they seek out life differently from Christians. The point being that we all seek life including atheist, secularist, humanist and other non-religious 'isms' and identities who've been scorned by some in the religious communities. If God is equivalent to life (and I would also say love) then who would not be drawn to it? Mankind with its curious nature is drawn to the world around it and seeks to actively discover, understand, and intimately know it. The major difference between what Christians are drawn to and everyone else lies in the label and definition of God. If we let go of our labels, and our identities, we will come to rediscover our shared humanity and our shared passion: to know one another.

Origins of A God-Sized Puzzle

I started this blog in the fall of 2008 inspired by a musing I had one day during one of Rabbi Rami's classes (which if any students still attending MTSU should take at least one of his courses). That original musing became the mission statement for A God-Sized Puzzle, which held a pretty bold goal for me at the time. Although I have strayed from some of the language in the original statement I feel I have followed its spirit. The concept behind a God-Sized Puzzle was simple: to learn how we are connected to and interdependent with each other, and by realizing our place in the puzzle we understand our importance and need for each other. I believe this should lead us to becoming more compassionate towards one another despite our tribal nature and the inherent differences of our tribal identities.

As an assignment for one of the Rabbi's classes we wrote an essay stating our beliefs in which the option to submit it to the This I Believe project by NPR was heavily encouraged. This I Believe collects belief statements by people from all walks of life in an effort to establish a global dialog. In it I spoke of our uniqueness within this God-Sized Puzzle and my personal quest to learn from my fellow pieces. The Rabbi responded to my article stating he wrote something similar in his book Wisdom of the Jewish Sages. I recently found a short but wonderfully beautiful video excerpt which captures my present interpretation of A God-Sized Puzzle.

"Consider a jigsaw puzzle. Each piece has its place, and no other piece can fit that place. Yet no one piece makes sense on its own. Each piece needs the whole for its integrity and coherence. And the whole needs each piece to fulfill its purpose and bring meaning and order to the puzzle. Once a piece is in its proper place, its separateness is surrendered. We know a piece is in its place when it blends with the whole and disappears. What is true for a puzzle is true for Reality, with one exception: There is no hand putting us in our place. We must do that for ourselves. We must discover our place and take it. And when we do this, we discover the integrity and meaning of the whole; we discover the divine energy that flows through all things that links each to the other and all to God." -Rabbi Rami M. Shapiro, Wisdom of the Jewish Sages.

This is my spirituality: to discover my place in the whole and by embracing the All, the God-Sized Puzzle, we can become more loving and compassionate to our fellow man.

The Spirituality of an Atheist

I recently stumbled upon this video by A. Hughman on his spirituality as an Atheist. This is a truly heartbreaking video I recommend to everyone.



What does it mean to be spiritual? The answers differ based on our worldviews yet beneath it all we share the same Human Spirit. My spirituality rests in the sharing between myself and others, and myself with the Universe. To me, being spiritual is allowing the wonder and beauty of All overtake us until we lose our sense of separateness and blend with All.