Retaining Your Identity

Dr. James McGrath over at Exploring Our Matrix recently asked "if you are a 'none' or even if you are connected with a religion, do you care if your children shift identities?" The short answer is no, not at all. The main reason why is because I shifted through several different identities myself within the last 5 years. I hope they remain open-minded and I don't care which faith they eventually settle with as long as the faith resonates with them. Although, I would rather they don't become fundamentalists of any faith.

[My Alien II by Bloommer. Follow the link to check out some of Bloomer's other works.]

I admit I would like to see my children follow my beliefs but I realize the beliefs I (currently) accept are the result of years of questioning, exploring, and evolving. I believe two people may follow the same faith tradition but their personal religious and/or spiritual experiences are unique. My wife is Baptist and since I (currently) consider myself a None we are raising them in the Baptist tradition. Religion is a touchy subject in our family so as the odd man out I try not to stir the pot and I'm fine with attending whatever church we call home (we begin church shopping next week). What I DO want to pass on to my children is to be loving towards your neighbor and to follow the wisdom of Ecclesiastes: eat, drink, have a few good friends, a career they love, and be merry. As a None I personally believe that as the globe becomes more interconnected people will begin to question their previous tribal and religious boundaries. I don't care if my children shift identities, what I do care is how they relate to their neighbor.

Here Comes the Wambulance

I'm not familiar with the discriminatory laws pertaining to private businesses but both of these videos, via On Knees for Jesus, remind me of a bunch of kids throwing tantrums.





Now businesses may have the right to refuse service but in the end they're only shooting themselves in the foot by reducing their target markets. Now if a Christian business wants to only market to Christians then have at it, but eventually they'll realize that if they'd broadened to include non-Christians and provided a service people will throw money at them for they would be much more profitable. When my wife and I don't enjoy a particular restaurant or business we choose not to go there. I'm not going to complain why I didn't get a senior citizen discount, I'm not a senior citizen. (Well now that I think about it, if I'm not planning to come back anyway why not throw a hissy fit until the manager either escorts me out or accommodates me. I either get physically carried out of the business, which saves me from walking out, or I get free dessert. Win win!) Entitlement whining makes everyone look foolish but especially makes the business look uncaring towards the clients and customers they're trying to cater.  But I'm not a businessman so what do I know.  

How Good Do We Have to Be? Part 5- Is there Enough Love for Everyone?

  [I started this blog series well over a year ago on Harold Kushner's How Good Do We Have to Be? and life got in the way and I never got a change to finish reviewing, let alone reading, the book. I recently recommended this book to other people which caused me to dig up this long unfinished post.]

"The Original sin that affects virtually every one of us and leads to other, worse sins is the belief that there is not enough love to go around, and therefore where someone else is loved, he or she is stealing that love from us." Harold Kushner

In chapter 6 Kushner moves on to a topic most people with siblings struggle with: sibling rivalry. I admit I fought daily with my sister (she's 2 years younger than me) over simple things like who got the last pudding cup, but I don't remember fighting over anything major like my parents' affection. My sister, however, saw it differently, she's mentioned many times how our parents loved me more than her and supported me and my endeavors. We're both in our mid to late 20's now so that resentment and rivalry has completely vanished and my sister and I are closer than we ever were. Kushner points out that the book of Genesis is a series of sibling rivalries as siblings with opposite qualities and personalities fight over their parents' affections. He also states that the Original Sin is not disobedience or lust but of hatred and resentment born out of our fear that we will not be loved enough. Kushner goes on to say that this is a fear so primal it follows us into adulthood and our pain and suffering resurfaces throughout our adult years.

As a parent of three I admit I am also guilty of subconsciously attributing certain roles to my children (e.g. good vs. problem child,  responsible vs. care free child). I believe I am more blind to these subconscious acts as the eldest who was given everything, the greatest amount of love (I don't personally believe I was given the most love I'm just illustrating how younger siblings might view the eldest). These roles given out by the parents causes all sorts of guilt and pain as the child come into adulthood. The eldest, as the responsible child, feels guilty if they ever let down their parents and resentment towards the younger for not also being able to lead a carefree life. The younger, as the carefree child, is allowed to make more mistakes but feels is not given enough love and attention as the eldest and is often negatively compared to the eldest ("why can't you be more like your big brother?" or "your big brother/sister has finished school and has a career, what have you done with your life?").

Even with all this sibling rivalry Genesis also demonstrates how we can overcome this original sin: by coming to terms with our feelings towards our siblings (and also friends, coworkers, etc.) and by understanding that love for one child doesn't negate or reduce the amount of love given to the others. Like Isaac and Ishmael coming together at their father's, Abraham's, grave and Joseph reunited with his brothers who sold him into slavery, we can outgrow the roles given to us in childhood and move past the primal fear of being unloved. That is the great thing about love there is plenty to go around, the only restrictions on love are the ones we impose on ourselves. This doesn't mean that suffering will disappear, it just means we don't have to go through it alone. We don't have to wander through life restlessly like Cain who murdered the only other person who understood what it was to fight for a parent's (i.e. God's) affection. We don't have to be alone, and in the end that's all we really want, to love and be loved.


Part 1: A Story of Emergence
Part 2: Guilt and Shame
Part 3: The Cycle of Guilt
Part 4: The Wholeness We Seek
Part 5: Is There Enough Love for Everyone
Part 6: Final Thoughts

What Love Looks Like

I'm a follower of the Believe Out Loud Facebook page, a pro LGBT Christian movement, and they shared this cute little picture today that I thought I would share with you guys. Nobody can deny that more people today are for equal rights for LGBT than we were 10 years ago. People try to explain away why this group of Americans can't share in equal rights for several reasons but the loudest of these is that God said so. God also said a lot of other things which either get ignored or explained away as irrelevant to today. But nothing can be more relevant today than equal rights. How can America continue to be a beacon of freedom and equality we want it to be if we withhold certain rights from our own citizens, our neighbors, family and friends? I don't believe in the "gay agenda" any more than I believe in ancient aliens visiting our planet. What I do believe in is Love. Love isn't something which can be explained it must be experienced. I can't understand how some find it so easy to prevent others to take part in this human experience.

Now some are comfortable with LGBT folk in being who they are as long as they're not visible. This and the "love the sinner and not the sin" doesn't cut it in my book. Nobody should have to hide their love, nobody should have to jump through extra hurdles to experience it and enjoy equal benefits of being in a long lasting and loving relationship. As I've said before divorce, abuse, extramarital affairs ARE the real threats to marriage not two loving people wanting to spend the rest of their lives dedicated to one another. It's that simple.

Get Out!

"To the Atheist watching this telecast if our belief in God offends you, Move!... We don't want you and we won't miss you." John Hagee

I've been silent here for well over a month for personal reason I won't go into too much detail. Let's just say that I had to part ways with an unnamed major cellular company. I worked at their call center for the last year and a half before the stress got to me and I snapped. I am going back to school in the fall to get my M.S. in Computer Science so I'll have a bit more free time to post. One video posted yesterday by Vorjack at Unreasonable Faith (love these guys) caught my attention this morning.



Hagee and the rest of his Super Best Friends are in their death throes clawing and gnashing at everyone and everything that doesn't fit their version of Christianity. What can you do when the latest surveys and reports in the last few years state that churches across America are hemorrhaging young people? Shut the door, plug your ears, and yell. They feel that their existence is in peril, and it is unless they change. And since change is seen as a threat, as polluting the holy, it is out of the question. To them it is much easier to tell your neighbor to move than to shake their hand. It is easier to ignore their existence and even threaten them than to coexist with them. Why? Because they, Hagee and friends, are so stuck on the idea of exclusivity that reality becomes a cosmic battle of dominance. It is either us or them, only one side CAN win. Like the dwarfs sitting in a pitch black stable in C.S. Lewis' The Last Battle some (not all) evangelicals would rather live in their version of reality than embrace the possibility that our neighbor may not be the boogie men some megaphone-mouthed pastors portray them as, but may even be *gasp!* human. What bothers me about this video is not Hagee and his comments, but the audience's overwhelming support. It's the everyday people and their support of these unloving comments in a "house of love". I'm sure at some point the congregation sang a hymn about how much God loves everyone. An ideal which unfortunately has been sacrificed for the temporary survival of the group.

As the shift continues towards more non-traditional forms of spirituality (or even None at all) the fundamentalist theists will get louder and more violent in their rhetoric. The non-theist, agnostic, atheist and non-traditional spiritualist must hold our ground not in fighting fire with fire but to extinguish hateful words with love and understanding. Our goal should be to lessen the suffering of others not add to it. And for those still in a religious group like this one who feel uncomfortable I urge you to leave, not to convert you to my side but to urge you to find your own path, your own cosmic song to sing. Get out and follow that which inspires you to be a better you.