Great Value Caskets?

I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or be horrified when I first heard this latest news. Yet, when I heard on NPR that Wal-Mart had started selling caskets online I knew then that the company I once dedicated 4 years of my life stocking its shelves and unloading its trucks will continue to influence every stage of my life. From infancy, childhood, adolescence, adulthood, my sunset years, and eventual death, Wally World will always be here to provide us with our every need at everyday low prices.

Let us stop and give thanks to the Great Provider and his messenger, Sam Walton.

Our Provider, who art in Bentonville,
hallowed be thy shelves,
thy people come to browse and buy,
the pious stay to serve you nigh.
Thy will be done from west to east
on Earth as it is Bentonville.

Give us this day our Great Value Bread,
and forgive us for shopping at Target,
help us save money, so that we may live better
for thine is the market, the profit, and the shares
forever and ever, Amen.

Now I can rest in peace with the knowledge that my death won't be a serious financial burden.