Keeping Atheism in the Closet

I get bombarded with all sorts of articles on Facebook, and every now and then I stumble upon a gem. This article goes over the phenomenon of keeping Atheism and Atheist in the closet. My personal expedience coming out as a non-believer  is not far off from the stories mentioned in the article. I try to avoid talking about religion but when it does come up I get plenty of "I'm praying for you", "just go to church more", and "you were a Christian when you were younger". I'm not the type that rubs my Atheism in your face. In fact what I enjoy is dialoging, sharing, and learning why others believe what they believe. I'm more interested in the person than the beliefs themselves. The article made a great point as to what drives this uneasiness that believers have of unbelievers:

“For many families, being religious is less about spiritual beliefs, and more about family identity. More than anything else, going to religious services is a family togetherness activity, or even a family duty. As Sally M. says, who was brought up Catholic but has been an atheist since childhood, says, “The whole family has always treated church like a chore, so they probably assumed I was claiming atheism to get out of wasting my Sunday. If my mother had to drag herself and the rest of my siblings out of bed, there was no way I was getting out of it.” And some believers may think that participating in religious rituals will somehow draw atheists back into belief.

 I don't attend church because it doesn't speak to me. Some have said that I need to "let the Spirit in" and then I'll believe, that if I "let go" or "stop trying too hard" that the spirit will flood in. But no matter how I've approached this nothing happens. The only person I will attend church with is my wife, I do this out of love, support, and respect for my wife's beliefs. When I do attend with her I am as respectful as possible but I will not lie about my beliefs, or lack thereof. (Thankfully, and surprisingly, that awkward conversation has not happened. I guess most church goers simply assume everyone else there is a believer.)

So why are believers so uncomfortable with unbelievers even existing? I believe it's because they've been taught not to question their beliefs by fellow believers, pastors/priest, and even scripture itself, that when they meet someone who has wrestled with these questions they begin to question the religious aspect of their identity. I believe the more inclusive and accepting of others the person is the less likely the believer will feel threatened by non-believers. If a belief held by your religious community keeps you in fear of those outside of your group is it really worth it to keep that belief? Did you really choose to follow that belief (Note: I'm talking about a single belief not a religion, or religion as a whole.) or are you only believing out of fear of being excluded or out of tradition?

Be Your Best Self

It's been almost a year since I've written anything here. I've been busy with Grad school and family that it was hard for me to have a spare moment of reflection. I also realized that my journey I started 5 years ago has shifted. I spent the last 5 years on this blog discovering who I am and now I think it's time to simply be that person. I spent so much time reflecting on how to become a better, more loving human being that it completely escaped me that to become that person I must be my best self.

I believe that most people struggle with being their best self because they're not comfortable in their own skin. To analyze the darkest part of ourselves is too much for some people. And that's ok. It is all a part of being human. Once we accept our frailty, our faults, our humanness we can begin to overcome the darkest part of ourselves and be our best self. We can begin embracing the beauty of what we can be, the enormous potential in being you. You're the best person who can be you, no one can play that part better than yourself. Just remember that each of us are unique cosmic events, there never has been nor ever will be another you or another me. So why not be your best self?

Conversations with Ourselves: Reflections on Who We Were

The idea of having a conversation with 2006 Sam is what inspired me to write this series. What would 2006 Sam think of 2012 Sam? Would '06 cringe at the thought that everything he believed in would be out the window 6 years later? Would '06 avoid taking this journey knowing he might end up like me? I thought about writing this one in an interview style format but I can't think like '06 Sam anymore and I would probably make him sound too cartoonish. I thought about seeking out someone who shares the beliefs I held in '06 but even then that would fall short because every spiritual journey is 100% completely unique. It can not be copied or duplicated. Oh there can be similarities but all spiritual journeys are unique.

[Summit by David Hayward (Naked Pastor). This is part of David's Sophia series. I highly recommend checking out David's work if you haven't already.]

Looking back, I don't have any regrets for how my journey has taken shape. There were many dark moments along the way but in the end I made it through. This journey is not about a destination or any kind of spiritual enlightenment. It is about learning how to be human, it is about embracing all the chaotic moments of life and cherishing my remaining years I have on this pale blue dot. '06 Sam was looking for something, his missing piece, and what I've found is that I've had it all along. I was chasing my own tail. As I migrated away from Christianity I found myself more accepting of those different from myself. My basic human morality (don't steal, hurt, lie, etc.) has remained the same. I've just widened the definition of who I call my brother. This doesn't mean that Christians are closed minded people, but for ME and MY journey I am more embracing of my global brothers and sisters. The journey I've taken can still be taken within religion, it doesn't necessarily have to lead you away from your original faith but what it will do is help you discover who you are and who you can be. It is a noble goal to be your best self, but you can't get there if you don't explore.

So if you are still sitting on your doorstep fearful of taking that first step my question is why are you sitting outside instead of safe and comfy inside? What's holding you back? Something drew you to step outside so why not explore a little?


Part 1) Conversations with Ourselves: The Question
Part 2) Conversations with Ourselves: The Internal Struggle
Part 3) Conversations with Ourselves: The External Struggle
Part 4) Conversations with Ourselves:  Reflections on Who We Were
Part 5) Conversations with Ourselves: Making Peace with Chaos
Part 6) Conversations with Ourselves: Making Sense of It All

Conversations with Ourselves- The Internal Struggle

In part one of this self reflection series I had talked a bit about what I love about self reflection and the creative sacred space born from asking questions. (On a side note before I get too far I have a copy of The Sacredness of Questioning Everything by David Dark which I believe relates to what I'm talking about but I have not gotten a chance to reading it yet. Will dust it off as soon as I finish reading Cloud Atlas.) The courage to even ask any question which may challenge the faith of your parents is a HUGE step in it of itself. Asking questions doesn't mean you are betraying God, your faith, or even jeopardizing your place in the here after.  Questioning your beliefs merely means you want to explore your spirituality, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If you're a part of a religious community then your spiritual leaders will most likely say that asking certain questions may lead you astray. The "believe what we tell you, ask only the appropriate questions" should fire off all sorts of alarms in your head. If it doesn't then you're not ready to ask, explore, discover your own spirituality if you allow others to decide your spiritual life.

[Litany Against Fear by Gavin Aung Than, you MUST click here and see the entire Litany Against Fear cartoon at Zen Pencils. Incredibly inspiring.]

I'm not advocating leaving your faith altogether but to recover the reins to your own spirituality. If you can make the decision to choose which house of worship to attend then why can't you decide the boundaries of your spirituality? Any relationship which requires certain unflinching, unquestioning loyalty is bound to cause pain. If you see God as the source of unconditional love, why then are there conditions to receive and experience that love? You must believe X or God will love you if... are conditions, plain and simple. Some will say that God loves everyone, but then continue with you must accept God into your heart or you must accept Jesus' sacrifice, etc, etc. But what happens when you begin to question the religious teachings that surround that unconditional love? What happens when certain events lead you to question your relationship with the divine all together? What happens when you just can't accept any of it?

How do you struggle with the questions which may unravel what you believe to be foundational to your human experience? It's difficult, I believe even more so than the external battle with friends and family members who may not agree with all this self discovery. For me it eventually turned into a spiritual practice. To sit and meditate on who we are and the enormous creative potential of who we can be is very spiritually rewarding. And that's the clincher, what's keeping you from discovering yourself? Is it fear of the unknown, fear of what others may think of you, fear of what you may discover, fear of becoming something/someone else, or fear of losing your beliefs? All of these hurdles include fear, but we must not be a slave to fear. Although I don't pray I do recite the following prayer before a test, interview, etc.:

The Litany Against Fear

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

This is recited by an order of women called the Bene Gesserit in Frank Herbert's science fiction Dune universe. It's a bit silly to recite a science fiction prayer to battle the fear of something like an exam. A string of words is not going to help me ace the test, so why recite it? To help remind myself that the prayer is just as silly, hollow, and weak as fear itself. The questions you are afraid to ask are just a string of words.  They are not incantations to a spell which will immediately turn you into a monster. They are just words. The questions are simply a mirror to discover yourself. How can we love our neighbor when we're afraid to know, let alone love, ourselves?

Part 1) Conversations with Ourselves: The Question
Part 2) Conversations with Ourselves: The Internal Struggle
Part 3) Conversations with Ourselves: The External Struggle
Part 4) Conversations with Ourselves:  Reflections on Who We Were
Part 5) Conversations with Ourselves: Making Peace with Chaos
Part 6) Conversations with Ourselves: Making Sense of It All

Conversations with Ourselves-The Question

I love conversation. I love the interaction, mingling, sharing, and even merging of thoughts produced by conversing with one another. It is a way in which we can grow together. Of course there are many pitfalls to conversations in which I will not get into today (name-calling, being argumentative,  miscommunication, assumptions, etc.). I want to focus on the power of conversation and especially on self reflection.

(H/T to McGrath from Exploring Our Matrix for sharing this photo).

Self reflection is something which I enjoy so much it's almost second nature to me. Asking questions is what guides me through my daily
self reflection moments. I am a thinker, and I always will be. I can get lost for hours down the rabbit hole following question after question. I can't help myself from asking questions, to think and wrestle with those questions and see what (or, more importantly, who) emerges. Answers are too easy, and easy answers can be messy and come with strings attached. But when you wrestle with a question, you come from the experienced a changed person. Not necessarily good or bad ( that's too black and white) but a changed person, a new creation. There are no easy answers to life, although some of us may feel better with easy answers, being human is an experience which must be experienced. And with each experience we are transformed, with each thought and wrestling we become something new, and in our actions we create a space for new things to flourish. THAT creative space is what I used to call God and what I still hold sacred.

So the question I ask others, but mostly myself, is "who are you, really?" For me THIS is the question which catapulted me into a sea of questions. Are we merely a collection of experiences, memories, genetic code, characteristics? Are we afraid to ask, or afraid to discover? What if we discover something about yourself which causes us shame and embarrassment, what then? What if what we are is completely alien from what we've been told since childhood? How do we wrestle that? How do we live? How do we be human? How do we love? The questions can go on and on, and we can either wrestle and learn to live WITH them, or we can take the easy prepackaged answer.

So who are you, really?

Part 1) Conversations with Ourselves: The Question
Part 2) Conversations with Ourselves: The Internal Struggle
Part 3) Conversations with Ourselves: The External Struggle
Part 4) Conversations with Ourselves:  Reflections on Who We Were
Part 5) Conversations with Ourselves: Making Peace with Chaos
Part 6) Conversations with Ourselves: Making Sense of It All