Conversations with Ourselves: Making Sense of It All

Throughout this series the core theme I want to get across is the importance of asking questions. Questions allows us to explore and create within our vast universe. And as we explore, our interconnectedness to each other and the universe is strengthened. But living with all these questions rattling around in your head can be unnerving especially when you're trying to make sense of it all. On the surface, questions don't offer an immediate peace of mind. This is why people gravitate towards religion which offers answers to many of life's questions. I'm OK with religion being used in this manner even though some would say it is a crutch. Sometimes life is too hard to deal with and there is no shame in believing in something to help you through life's obstacles. What I am against is people bashing others in the head with their "crutch". You can't serve love on a plate of hate.

So how do we make sense of it all? How do we make sense of life with a bag of unanswerable questions or, worse yet, questions which leads to other questions? What has helped me in my personal journey is coming to terms with the chaos of life and knowing that we are already There.



People desperately seek out a constant state of happiness, they want to know that everything will be OK. They want the assurance that nothing will go wrong, they want control over the future. But no matter how hard you struggle no one's future is ever secured. (And in terms of Christianity and the afterlife, no knows for sure that they will go to Heaven, they can only hope and believe they will.) So what then? Do we go through life a nervous wreak waiting for the axe to fall at any moment? That would be as pointless as a dog chasing its own tail! Once we come to the understanding that life is full of chaos and we stop trying to control the uncontrollable we can begin living. Shit happens. Life is full of ups AND downs. Instead, we should surround ourselves with good friends and family to celebrate the ups and to comfort each other during the downs.

It is easier, and much more interesting, for me to live with the questions than accept a prepackaged answer. Questions help you connect with the world around you, they help you to grow spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. They help us to discover and embrace our humanity more fully. So sit back relax with a few good friends and enjoy the moments we have on this pale blue dot.

Part 1) Conversations with Ourselves: The Question
Part 2) Conversations with Ourselves: The Internal Struggle
Part 3) Conversations with Ourselves: The External Struggle
Part 4) Conversations with Ourselves:  Reflections on Who We Were
Part 5) Conversations with Ourselves: Making Peace with Chaos
Part 6) Conversations with Ourselves: Making Sense of It All

Conversations with Ourselves: Reflections on Who We Were

The idea of having a conversation with 2006 Sam is what inspired me to write this series. What would 2006 Sam think of 2012 Sam? Would '06 cringe at the thought that everything he believed in would be out the window 6 years later? Would '06 avoid taking this journey knowing he might end up like me? I thought about writing this one in an interview style format but I can't think like '06 Sam anymore and I would probably make him sound too cartoonish. I thought about seeking out someone who shares the beliefs I held in '06 but even then that would fall short because every spiritual journey is 100% completely unique. It can not be copied or duplicated. Oh there can be similarities but all spiritual journeys are unique.

[Summit by David Hayward (Naked Pastor). This is part of David's Sophia series. I highly recommend checking out David's work if you haven't already.]

Looking back, I don't have any regrets for how my journey has taken shape. There were many dark moments along the way but in the end I made it through. This journey is not about a destination or any kind of spiritual enlightenment. It is about learning how to be human, it is about embracing all the chaotic moments of life and cherishing my remaining years I have on this pale blue dot. '06 Sam was looking for something, his missing piece, and what I've found is that I've had it all along. I was chasing my own tail. As I migrated away from Christianity I found myself more accepting of those different from myself. My basic human morality (don't steal, hurt, lie, etc.) has remained the same. I've just widened the definition of who I call my brother. This doesn't mean that Christians are closed minded people, but for ME and MY journey I am more embracing of my global brothers and sisters. The journey I've taken can still be taken within religion, it doesn't necessarily have to lead you away from your original faith but what it will do is help you discover who you are and who you can be. It is a noble goal to be your best self, but you can't get there if you don't explore.

So if you are still sitting on your doorstep fearful of taking that first step my question is why are you sitting outside instead of safe and comfy inside? What's holding you back? Something drew you to step outside so why not explore a little?


Part 1) Conversations with Ourselves: The Question
Part 2) Conversations with Ourselves: The Internal Struggle
Part 3) Conversations with Ourselves: The External Struggle
Part 4) Conversations with Ourselves:  Reflections on Who We Were
Part 5) Conversations with Ourselves: Making Peace with Chaos
Part 6) Conversations with Ourselves: Making Sense of It All

You've Changed

A big thank you to Andrew Hackman of Hackman's Musings for sharing this recent cartoon by nakedpastor (seriously can't believe I haven't subscribed to his RSS feed. Subscribed!).

[You've Changed by David Hayward]

I've gotten the You think too much and you read too much the most when I speak to others about my deconversion. Although, I would rather describe it more of discovering my own journey than a deconversion. I was never converted to Christianity in the first place (I was one of the lucky souls born into the faith) and there was no single moment where I abandoned Christianity cold turkey. This cartoon vividly describes my departure from the church. I believe if we look beyond the snappy one liners we'll find the pain of separation beneath and in between the statements. Anyone who's left the church (or any faith) can attest it is a painful experience to wrench yourself from your community, friends, and family. Those left behind feel betrayed, and the one leaving feels alone, exiled, without a home. It's not an easy decision that many are willing to make, yet feel they must to feel true to themselves.

I remember one conversation I had with my wife about my change of faith when I had an epiphany and I freely admitted I could not pray without feeling I was somehow lying. I had convinced myself for months I could stay in the church and go through the motions only to realize in the end I would  be lying to everyone around me. This doesn't mean I refuse to go to church if invited. I would bow my head out of respect and reverence but I would not be praying to any god. I pray with my kids at night and during meals because we had decided to raise the children Southern Baptist. I keep my beliefs to myself unless asked directly.  So when I have these types of interactions with believers I don't take it personally anymore because even the beliefs and ideas I hold now are subject to change.

It is not an easy decision to step away from any community. And as someone who thinks too much I thought about this constantly before making any public declaration on straying from the fold. The fact that we ("the straying sheep") thought about the social ramifications means we do care. Our ties to family, friends, and to our community and roots are very important, but so is our personal quest of self discovery. When I left the church it wasn't because I was being led astray by the devil or that I love sin too much. I left the cackle of voices telling me how to be human and set out on a journey to experience my humanity. I had questions to ask and wrestle with and no environment in which to tackle these questions. Some would ask "why ask these questions in the first place?" and then go on to show me their bag of answers.

I'm not looking for easy answers, I'm looking for questions that will last a lifetime answering.

I'm looking to discover myself in others and others in myself.

I'm looking to simply be.

Racketeering for Jesus

Fate of Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5:1-11)
GOD'S MUSCLE! from EIT! on Vimeo.

So kids, what's the moral of the story? Don't lie about giving what you promised to the church, or else...

The Righteousness of Finn the Human: The Enchiridion

"A long time ago, when I was a baby, I went boom boom on a leaf. Then I fell backwards and sat in my own boom boom and cried for a day, but no one came to help me. That day I vowed to help anyone in need, no matter how small their problem!" -Finn the Human. Adventure Time, "Memories of Boom Boom Mountain"

I am still a boy at heart, right down to the core. I still play video games, get excited when I walk down the toy aisle, and religiously watch cartoons with my kids. Of course, I keep all this bottled up on the inside since as a grown 26 year old I can't be running around with a toy sword yelling "get ready for an upper cut, you dog!" Which is why I love the new cartoon series from Cartoon Network, Adventure Time. Who wouldn't want to watch a 12 year old boy fight for the weak and helpless while going out on awesome adventures? Sure the superhero cartoons are drenched in justice but I can't think of too many cartoons which approach the subject of justice and compassion as humorously and memorably as Adventure Time.

[Adventure Time, by Martin Corba]

Adventure Time can't be explained, it must be experienced. The show follows the adventures of a Peter Pan-esque 12 year old boy, Finn, and his best friend, Jake, a 28 year old dog with magical powers as they battle monsters, rescue princesses, and go on radical adventures in the land of Ooo. Did I say radical, I meant mathematical!



The show is filled with odd characters, pre-adolescent toilet jokes, and memorable fist pounding catch phrases set against the backdrop of a post-apocalyptic world.  As far as I recall none of the characters have mentioned anything of how their brightly colored and joyous land of Ooo rose from the ashes of its past. Maybe because, as a cartoon the creators don't want to get into the gory detail of its apocalyptic destruction. So what exactly does all of this have to do with the righteousness of Finn the Human? Why even talk about a cartoon character? Because I LOVE story, we as a species crave it, and the one story we continue to tell over and over again is that of the archetypal hero.

What makes Finn righteous is not his strong ethical code or his stance on justice, it's his normality. His humanity is the very thing which sets him apart from every surreal creature and pastry-shaped character on the show and it's also the one thing we, the audience, share with Finn. There are human like characters on the show but Finn is the only one which bears the title Human. Amidst and beneath all of the boyish pranks and pre-adolescent humor the theme Adventure Time revisits is of an imperfect hero always struggling to do the right thing. The righteousness of Finn lies in the struggle of simply being human in an alien world. Although I would like to add that even though he's human he wears a hat which kind of makes him look like his fellow Oooians (Sound familiar? Hero taking on the form of those he swears to save? *Hint, hint*).  His empathy towards non-human sentient beings radiates the message of loving those different from ourselves. No matter who they are or what they've done, Finn the Human will ALWAYS helps those in need.

"I'm not righteous, I'm wrongtious."

The episode entitled "The Enchiridion!" best illustrates the struggles and responsibilities Finn must face as he seeks out a magical book which can only be read by a hero who's heart is righteous. Interestingly enough the real Enchiridion, or Handbook of Epictetus was a manual of practical philosophy which contained "Stoic ethical advice compiled by Arrian, who had been a pupil of Epictetus at the beginning of the 2nd century." (Wikipedia) The trials Finn faced focus on his ability to distinguish right from wrong and how he treats his fellow Oooians. For his first trial, he saves three fairy creatures from a burning pit of fire and once released they begin destroying old ladies. Finn questions his sense of "righteousness" after releasing the creatures although his companion, Jake the Dog, reassures him that it's all an illusion to test his heroic attributes. As I was diggin' the eastern religious reference Jake is suddenly devoured by a giant ogre. I was slightly tempted to interpret this scene as a metaphor for the battle between ignorance (embodied by the ogre) and wisdom (Jake the "Buddhist"* Dog) but I've already read too much into the episode. It is a cartoon you know.



For his last trial he's instructed by a hooded figure to slay two creatures: an evil heart beast and a neutral ant. Finn refuses to destroy the unaligned ant even at the risk of never reading the Enchiridion. He could of easily crushed the defenseless ant for his own gain but refused to do so. For all three trials Finn's compassion for others was being tested, not his ability to defeat evil. And for that he's handsomely rewarded with a peak at the Enchiridion (watch the video to see what page he read) and a delicious meal of spaghetti with his friends.

Already well into season 2, Adventure Time continues to surprise me with its subtle themes of morality and justice underlying the rambunctious adventures of an energetic and righteous 12 year old boy and his wise dog. I'm sure a lot of parents will dismiss this as another mindless cartoon (it does contain a sprinkling of mildly inappropriate innuendos at times), but I have yet to find another cartoon as hilarious and thoughtful as Adventure Time. I love...scratch that, I am insanely obsessed with Adventure Time, but that's probably the kid in me.

*Jake is not a Buddhist, but is merely connecting to the internet through meditation. Love it.

Fun Times with Religious Cartoons

I've stumbled upon this animated segment from the film The God Makers, produced in 1982 by Ed Decker, a former priest and temple Mormon of the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS). Now I'm not certain if the beliefs presented here are what LDS really believe because the God Makers was produced by an ex-communicated Mormon. You can watch a rebuttal to this cartoon here and a beautiful, although unrelated, video tour inside Mormon temples here.




And then there's this Jehovah's Witness Cartoon which emphasizes the human nature of Jesus.




And of course there's this hilarious little live action gem about Elisha and the She Bears. A bit of warning, the video is not as violent as the story told in 2 Kings.



What's the point of posting these videos? Mostly, I get a kick out of them. I don't care much for apologetics since when they literalize concepts and beliefs which should be told in metaphor and myth, it comes across as silly (e.g. God lives near a star called Kolob). But when non-believers literalize the scripture, as seen in the mauling of the 42 youths in 2 Kings, apologetics tend to be appalled and disgusted by the portrayal of the often overlooked gore in their scripture and claim the non-believers are either twisting scripture or they see nothing wrong with 42 youths getting mauled.