The Dream of Life

There is something about listening to speeches (sermons?) by Alan Watts which really strikes a chord with me. I've only read a couple of his books and even though I don't completely buy into everything he talks about it's fun to think about and play with the ideas in my head. It always inspires me to look at life differently.



If we had a chance to dream the perfect dream of life would we get bored and end up dreaming of a normal life? Boredom is one of many reasons why I can no longer understand the point of living in bliss for eternity in heaven. Even as I child I (secretly) asked myself "wouldn't eternity be boring?" As a teenager I even had dreams where after a few millennia in heaven I dove off the edge of heaven and back to earth (reality) because I found heaven boring.

I can understand why people feel the need for heaven to be real. Life is rough, heart-breaking, and down right miserable at times and some people rely on the hope for a way out. Heaven=hope to billions of people and the last thing I want to do is to pull the rug from under their feet. To me, heaven is more of a distraction from the here and now. There is so much beauty to see and experience that I can't see myself ignoring all of reality, however short in comparison, in hopes of entering a place (or state of mind) of eternal bliss. Who I am contains experiences and memories of both good and bad things and I can't fully appreciate the good moments in my life without the bad. I believe learning to live with the ups and downs of life is what being human is all about.

Does this idea that we are all connected, that we're all waves of an ocean, of any benefit to anyone? Although I have trouble believing that at the core we are God playing hide and seek, the idea that we are connected to each other and the universe helps me to be more understanding, compassionate, and to tread carefully and respectfully in life. This concept isn't necessary for me to be compassionate and understanding of my fellow man but is simply a story which symbolizes and illustrates why I do. So which is more important to you: controlling your adventure of dreams or simply experiencing them?

Our Thoughts About God

This image sums the first of many questions I asked myself when I began my spiritual journey over 7 years ago.

"Our thoughts about God are just that: thoughts about God. They are not God. They approximate God. This includes the thoughts, now written, of the biblical writers and all theologians since. All their thoughts and all their writings are not God, but approximations of God." -David Haward (You can see more of David's work here.)

This was when I began to differentiate between my thoughts and what God is. How I define God is just that, my definition. To embrace the idea that our thoughts are just approximation carries with it a humbling affect. It allows me to understand how someone else may view and define God (or anything else for that matter) differently. God then becomes malleable (a playdoh god, maybe?)  able to change shape and grow depending on the viewer. This tells us more about ourselves than it does about God herself granting us another window into the heart of our neighbor. Is there a God beyond our personal playdoh god? Sure, why not, who knows. Does it matter? That depends how important it is to you for your thoughts about God to be real.

This is something most people don't readily think about because it introduces a sliver of doubt on what they consider to be the foundation of their beliefs. But doubt is not the "gateway drug" which leads down the slippery road to Atheism, it is a constructive tool which helps us analyze our beliefs. Analyzing what we believe helps us to better understand why we believe the things we believe. Would you rather accept a belief system you simply inherited from your parents and/or environment or would you like the chance to choose what you believe for yourself? In the end we decide what religion to follow (or not follow), which house of worship to attend, and what spiritual practices to practice. In the end we make our choices based on our thoughts after weighing the evidence we analyzed. Now multiply that process by several billion people and it becomes clear that our thoughts about God are simply that, our thoughts.

Conversations with Ourselves: Making Peace with Chaos

One of the most frightening things about my journey into the realm of endless questions is the chaos. For Christians, or any believer,  their faith grounds them to a tangible answer, it can give hope during chaos. But even then some of those religious answers don't make any sense especially when bad things happen to good people. How then do we deal with chaos?

A believer would hold on tighter to their foundation, to their god, and hope and pray for the best. If things go their way they thank god for watching over them and move on, if not then the most likely acceptable answer is that god had different plans for them. This mentality exempts you from really dealing with the chaos of life. As long as god is in control you don't have to face the chaos of life, you don't have any real reason to empathize with the suffering of others because god is in control of their lives. Whatever happens is suppose to happen for a greater plan (which begs the question why even pray during hard times when your suffering might be a part of The Plan?). This was one of the breaking points which caused me to drift away from Christianity. I absolutely can not accept that human suffering is "good" and necessary in fulfilling a divine plan. Any suffering is just that, suffering. But instead of wishing it away or hoping that an invisible, silent god (who apparently thought it OK for you to suffer) would take the pain away, we should be seeking out a more human approach. We should support each other even if we're powerless to help, sitting silently with those in pain does more good than a powerful, silent god.

The best visual example of the struggle with chaos is in the 2009 dark comedy film by the Coen brothers, A Serious Man, a film about a physics professor, Larry Gopnik, whose life begins to crumble around him even though he's been a good man, a serious man.



It was a difficult transition moving from a reliance on a silent god towards making peace with chaos. There were many low points in my life where I truly wanted to wish/pray things away. But that wouldn't have solved the problem nor helped me to deal with my emotions.  I feel this transition has strengthened my empathy towards my global neighbor as well. And as we strengthen our relationships with our global neighbor the easier it gets to face the unknown. Where once I simply blamed the troubles of a stranger on their lack of faith I now realize that the rain does indeed fall on the just and unjust. So why not reach out and share an umbrella?


Part 1) Conversations with Ourselves: The Question
Part 2) Conversations with Ourselves: The Internal Struggle
Part 3) Conversations with Ourselves: The External Struggle
Part 4) Conversations with Ourselves:  Reflections on Who We Were
Part 5) Conversations with Ourselves: Making Peace with Chaos
Part 6) Conversations with Ourselves: Making Sense of It All

Conversations with Ourselves-The Question

I love conversation. I love the interaction, mingling, sharing, and even merging of thoughts produced by conversing with one another. It is a way in which we can grow together. Of course there are many pitfalls to conversations in which I will not get into today (name-calling, being argumentative,  miscommunication, assumptions, etc.). I want to focus on the power of conversation and especially on self reflection.

(H/T to McGrath from Exploring Our Matrix for sharing this photo).

Self reflection is something which I enjoy so much it's almost second nature to me. Asking questions is what guides me through my daily
self reflection moments. I am a thinker, and I always will be. I can get lost for hours down the rabbit hole following question after question. I can't help myself from asking questions, to think and wrestle with those questions and see what (or, more importantly, who) emerges. Answers are too easy, and easy answers can be messy and come with strings attached. But when you wrestle with a question, you come from the experienced a changed person. Not necessarily good or bad ( that's too black and white) but a changed person, a new creation. There are no easy answers to life, although some of us may feel better with easy answers, being human is an experience which must be experienced. And with each experience we are transformed, with each thought and wrestling we become something new, and in our actions we create a space for new things to flourish. THAT creative space is what I used to call God and what I still hold sacred.

So the question I ask others, but mostly myself, is "who are you, really?" For me THIS is the question which catapulted me into a sea of questions. Are we merely a collection of experiences, memories, genetic code, characteristics? Are we afraid to ask, or afraid to discover? What if we discover something about yourself which causes us shame and embarrassment, what then? What if what we are is completely alien from what we've been told since childhood? How do we wrestle that? How do we live? How do we be human? How do we love? The questions can go on and on, and we can either wrestle and learn to live WITH them, or we can take the easy prepackaged answer.

So who are you, really?

Part 1) Conversations with Ourselves: The Question
Part 2) Conversations with Ourselves: The Internal Struggle
Part 3) Conversations with Ourselves: The External Struggle
Part 4) Conversations with Ourselves:  Reflections on Who We Were
Part 5) Conversations with Ourselves: Making Peace with Chaos
Part 6) Conversations with Ourselves: Making Sense of It All

The Spirituality of Facebook?

"The universe, it is vast and dark and makes us wonder if we are alone. So maybe the reason we make all of these things is to remind ourselves that we are not."



Oh Facebook! I love thee as much as I love Youtube. This new promo both tickles and inspires me. In celebration of their 1 billionth active user Facebook has released this new commercial comparing Facebook to, well, chairs. You can read more on the video here and Zuckerberg's statement here. In his statement he says,

"For the first time in our history, we've made a brand video to express what our place is on this earth. We believe that the need to open up and connect is what makes us human. It's what brings us together. It's what brings meaning to our lives. Facebook isn't the first thing people have made to help us connect. We belong to a rich tradition of people making things that bring us together."

 While Facebook can sometimes (scratch that, most of the time) be a narcissistic stage where one can shout to the world what you ate for lunch, at the core it is a place which does indeed bring people together. That yearning for interconnectedness is what drives my spirituality, and Facebook does a decent job of creating a digital connectedness (even though we are bombarded by game requests and random advertisements). It has been argued that social networking sites (and we could throw in the whole of the Internets for the sake of argument) causes more harm than good by keeping people glued to their computer monitors instead of interacting with real people in the real world. That would depend on your level of self-control but I admit it can be addicting. On the other hand social networking sites have the potential of bringing the lonely and isolated together. I mean where else can an Atheist or Agnostic surrounded by fundamentalists neighbors go to find a sense of community? I believe the online digital community is vital for those leaving established religion behind and seeking their own spiritual voice. I'm not saying Facebook is THE place to congregate digitally, but with 1 billion active users it's a good place to discover and connect with like-minded people. Remember, you are not alone.

You've Changed

A big thank you to Andrew Hackman of Hackman's Musings for sharing this recent cartoon by nakedpastor (seriously can't believe I haven't subscribed to his RSS feed. Subscribed!).

[You've Changed by David Hayward]

I've gotten the You think too much and you read too much the most when I speak to others about my deconversion. Although, I would rather describe it more of discovering my own journey than a deconversion. I was never converted to Christianity in the first place (I was one of the lucky souls born into the faith) and there was no single moment where I abandoned Christianity cold turkey. This cartoon vividly describes my departure from the church. I believe if we look beyond the snappy one liners we'll find the pain of separation beneath and in between the statements. Anyone who's left the church (or any faith) can attest it is a painful experience to wrench yourself from your community, friends, and family. Those left behind feel betrayed, and the one leaving feels alone, exiled, without a home. It's not an easy decision that many are willing to make, yet feel they must to feel true to themselves.

I remember one conversation I had with my wife about my change of faith when I had an epiphany and I freely admitted I could not pray without feeling I was somehow lying. I had convinced myself for months I could stay in the church and go through the motions only to realize in the end I would  be lying to everyone around me. This doesn't mean I refuse to go to church if invited. I would bow my head out of respect and reverence but I would not be praying to any god. I pray with my kids at night and during meals because we had decided to raise the children Southern Baptist. I keep my beliefs to myself unless asked directly.  So when I have these types of interactions with believers I don't take it personally anymore because even the beliefs and ideas I hold now are subject to change.

It is not an easy decision to step away from any community. And as someone who thinks too much I thought about this constantly before making any public declaration on straying from the fold. The fact that we ("the straying sheep") thought about the social ramifications means we do care. Our ties to family, friends, and to our community and roots are very important, but so is our personal quest of self discovery. When I left the church it wasn't because I was being led astray by the devil or that I love sin too much. I left the cackle of voices telling me how to be human and set out on a journey to experience my humanity. I had questions to ask and wrestle with and no environment in which to tackle these questions. Some would ask "why ask these questions in the first place?" and then go on to show me their bag of answers.

I'm not looking for easy answers, I'm looking for questions that will last a lifetime answering.

I'm looking to discover myself in others and others in myself.

I'm looking to simply be.

Why SBNR? Top 10 Reasons

SBNR.org has recently finished a top 10 reasons why they (or I should say we) call themselves (ourselves) Spiritual but not Religious on their Facebook page. Here are the top 10 reasons created by SBNR Facebook members and my response.

# 10. We want compassion not politics to be our spiritual service to the world.
 I've discovered in my interactions with other SBNRs that many call themselves Nones or SBNR as a direct rejection of traditional faith. I mean it's even in their title, Spiritual BUT NOT Religious. Many focus on this distinction because spiritual and religious have been used interchangeably until recently. I believe spirituality (however you may define or practice the term) can and does exist outside of religion and that is exactly what a lot of Americans are seeking out. We feel that traditional faith has strayed away from service to our fellow man (compassion) towards self preservation of the institution (politics). If you get paid to preach a certain message it is in your best interest to toe the line if you want to keep your job. [I remember once when my wife and I went to our Baptist pastor in Smyrna with our marital concerns over my straddling the fence between Islam and Christianity, our pastor gave the best pitch trying to keep me in the faith. At the closing of the meeting he gave a "biased prayer" (his words). I give him mad props for trying though.] Established traditional religion needs to transform itself if it wants to relate to today's society, and what people need now more than ever is compassion not politics.

#9. Because everyone has their OWN path.
This is the very core of my site. Everyone has their own path (even if they claim they are following God's will they still follow what feels right to them) and in understanding that each and every path is unique we recognize our shared humanity. If I hold anything sacred it is in our interconnectedness found through our shared experience as human beings.

#8. Because we share this planet with all living creatures.
 My response to #9 is similar to #8: by understanding our relationship with all living creatures on this planet we may be able to live more harmoniously with nature. I know, I know. That sounds a bit too much lovey dovey tree huggery than I would like but there it is. This one I may not care for as much as the next SBNR but that's the great thing about SBNR it is a term which covers a wide spectrum of people with diverse beliefs.

#7. Because this child deserves a life filled with wonder, not guilt.
 To help clear the confusion each of these reasons were accompanied by a related photo. #7, similar to #10, can come across as arrogant stating that religion is all about guilt and being a None or SBNR is free from guilt. Religions do contain a lot of guilt but that's only because they were created by humans with human emotions. This one could have been worded a bit differently, instead of ignoring guilt (life is peppered with plenty guilt) we should struggle and wrestle with guilt when we come across it. By seeking and giving forgiveness within that empty space where we carved out guilt we can fill it with wonder.

#6. "The moment you think you know God, you have made yourself bigger than God." -Rami Shapiro
 I admit my bias up front for this one since Rabbi Rami was my professor during my years at MTSU. Although few may admit it we all put God in a box. I believe this is a core part of being SBNR, to live and wrestle with uncertainty. God is often used as a source of assurance and certainty in a chaotic universe. But a part of being SBNR is diving head first into the mystery and exploring the infinite in both the inner and outer verse. (On a side note Kerry Miller over at Heady Brew has recently written several intriguing post on the infinite internal worlds found here, here, and here.) We minimize God when we say we think we know the mind of God (This all, of course, depends on your definition of God or even if the term is important at all.) In actuality we use the term God as a bully pulpit to say that the universe is on Our Side. We win every time. But as an SBNR we strive to accept the chaos by admitting we don't have all the answers, we just like to look around.

#5 Our diversity gives us many chances to learn and grow on our own spiritual path.
Our diversity is no different than the diversity found in any other faith, we just choose to acknowledge and share freely in our diversity. But the only thing I worry about in taking on a religious identity/label is being stuck in an echo chamber. The same issue rises in interfaith meetings, people only talk about what they share in common but hardly ever touch the areas of diversity. We should embrace our uniqueness and freely share in our differences, and most importantly take a part of each others diversity with us to help in our own spiritual path.

#4 Because in our spiritual diversity we have found a spiritual community.
 If there's anything I miss about being a Christian it is being part of a community. Websites like SBNR.org helps to fill in the role of the community but still lacks that human interaction. An online community can only go so far. And with the recent rise of Americans claiming no religious identification I believe our community will grow in the coming years and will benefit from the diversity within the group. The hazard once again becomes setting identity boundaries too high which discourages people from SBNR or setting them too low and wrestling with how we identify ourselves. Our sense of identity does play a part in finding a community. If the community is too diverse or too narrow we may feel that we may not belong there.

#3 Because here I am safe to be my unique spiritual "ME".
This reason ties in with #4. People want to feel safe in their new communities with their new spiritual identification. But, I don't want to feel too "safe", yet it wouldn't be a community if I felt threatened (i.e. constantly being bombarded with conversion requests). I want a rest stop not a home while a travel.

#2 Because I am free to have my own relationship to the divine "ultimate" with or without people. I can choose...
See how all of these are beginning to connect? Reason #2 also ties into #3 and #4 so again won't go into long detail. When we come to realize that our spirituality is own and doesn't have to be defined by any man made institution we are completely free to follow our own path. Many people think this means we like to pick and choose, buffet style, from all the different faiths to cover our behinds (i.e. hell insurance). We choose that which speaks to us, that which inspires us to be better more loving people, that which connects us to the All, to each other.

#1 Because I'm empowered to find my "highest" self on my own spiritual journey...
This is what drives my spirituality, to be the best Sam I can be, to seek out my highest self. But in seeking out my highest self I also want to come to terms with my own imperfection/brokenness. The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein is a perfect example in describing my spirituality.



Anyone one else consider themselves SBNR? If so what do you think about the top 10? Leave your comments or better yet I encourage you to write your own post as to why you consider yourself SBNR.

The Universe is in Us

I simply can't get enough of this video. It's been a couple weeks since this video has been posted and is almost up to 2 million views! Of course whenever a video like this gets posted and shared there are some which bring up religion into the conversation. And that's okay, it's very human of us to see, reflect, and respond through our own specific personal view. That's the reason why I shared this video on my Facebook page and here as well. It echoes what is important to me.


 (Via Unreasonable Faith)

This video is not commenting on religion, God, or faith but the reflection of one astrophysicist, one fellow human being on our relationship to each other and the universe. Whether you believe in evolution or intelligent design is not important, what is astounding is the FACT that we are connected to each other. This astounding fact of our interconnection is what has guided me as a human being, a father, a husband, and neighbor more so than any other belief system. Of course the background music makes the video that much more beautiful.

My spirituality is not based on any religious background but on the sheer experience of being. I don't follow a creation myth nor do I have an infallible book with an infallible god to back up my spirituality. But as a very fallible human being with very fallible human thoughts I seek only to eat, drink and be merry. I travel through this life to love, be loved, and not prevent love for anyone else. Videos like these remind me that even if you and I don't share the same beliefs or views we share the same origin at the atomic level. Some theist would say that we are built with a drive to seek God, I would say that we have an inner drive to seek each other, to seek connectedness. You can see that by simply following the trend of people switching to smartphones to stay connected with the world (and yes I work for one of those smartphone companies). How can we ignore our global interconnectedness to neighbors suffering halfway around the world, or even down the street, when we have the world pouring into our living rooms through our TVs and phones? We can't ignore it. Those who want the good ole' days when gays, Muslims, and Atheists were out of sight out of mind will never reach their goal. The space between ourselves and our neighbors is evaporating and unless you're willing to live in a community out in the country secluded from the wilds of an increasingly interconnected world then have at it, the world is not going to go back to a time with less diversity and interconnectedness. But we can have so much more, we can be so much more, by accepting the fact that we are connected to and need each other.

Now that I finish this post I remember I posted a similar video (with the same exact title) back in September 2010 here. It was exciting then and now.

So This is the Begat

Every time I watch or listen to Alan Watts speak on reality I feel completely and utterly unraveled afterwards. I can never get enough of Alan Watts, or I should say I can never get enough of The Begotten.



My favorite quote: "Life is a bridge, pass over it but build no house upon it." Although I'm unsure about the source of the quote it has been attributed to Jesus (Isa), son of Mary on the Victory Gate at the Fathepur Sikri Mosque in India. It bears some similarity to the Christian relationship of being in the world but not of the world. The difference being that mainstream Christians are waiting for a glorious Hereafter whereas the Eastern concept brought up by Alan Watts is of experiencing the infinite Now without trying to hold onto it.Everything is constantly moving, changing, evolving so don't cling to it. This is why I'm constantly being drawn to the book of Ecclesiastes, which describes the impermanence of Reality as vapor. You can't grab a hold of it and keep it in place, so why try? Breathe in reality, live in harmony with its flow, be IN the world but not OF the world. Am I the only one who goes coco nuts over this? The constant flowing, reshaping, and overwhelming abundance of creativity of Reality/Life itself draws me in like moth to flame. I ramble on and on trying to come up with words to describe the experience of awe when realizing the immensity of  ____ until I realize both the futility and creativity of Naming the Unnameable.

Enjoy the dance of life but don't lean on it. Breathe it in but don't hold your breath.

I'm SBNR....Kind of

SBNR, or Spiritual But Not Religious, is a phrase which I use (at times) to describe my spirituality. Only, it comes across as anti-Religion (read anti-God in the Bible Belt) whereas I surround myself with religion, all sorts of religion. I use SBNR as a short hand to sum my my on-going fluid spiritual journey which is nigh impossible to pin down in a specific set of beliefs. Because, to be honest, sometimes I believe in contradicting beliefs and other times I believe in none of them. It's not about dogma, rituals, or communal identity, it's about discovering oneself.

SBNR's tend to come across as some New Age mystic movement but from what I've seen it is an incredibly diverse group mainly because of its sincere openness to question, seek out, and discover life itself. Some have labeled SBNR as Burger King Spirituality, "having it our way", picking and choosing what one wants from the various world religions.



The reality is that even the most conservative believers of any faith pick and choose elements to follow and embrace. To me the issue isn't how closely one follows their faith, but how does your personal experience with your faith and God lead you to a higher plane of self-cultivation? How are you growing in your faith? I believe that is the disconnect between religious believers and the Nones (which includes the SBNRs) described in the video. Most believers opposed to SBNRs are under the impression that they (SBNRs) have given up all forms of self-cultivation (my new favorite word) and refuse to follow any sort of higher moral authority. Equating lack of belief in a higher power to immorality is a load of baloney! A belief in and allegiance to a supreme being is not a magical cloak of morality. People will choose how moral they want to be regardless of their beliefs. SBNRs embrace life itself for what it is refusing to box it into a single narrative. This doesn't make them amoral, in fact it's quite the opposite. SBNRs embrace and respect the people behind the religion because it's the people not the dogma which is important. I hear so many evangelicals state how it (life) is all about giving glory to God. Yet this intense focus on a theistic Father God sometimes translates into hating what the God of the Bible hates. What do our actions and words really say about the marginalization of the least of these (homosexuals, Muslims, women, the poor, other non-believers, etc)? What do our actions and words say to our neighbors when we say we "love" under certain conditions? There is a disconnect when I read that the Bible has over 2000 verses on the poor and all I hear in church is how we should be giving more to the church.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying SBNRs are better people they just don't get caught up in dogma drama (as much as others). Their focus is on connecting with their fellow man and understanding their role in the universe, in the here and now. I'm careful when I use the term SBNR because although it describes me to a degree it just sounds oppositional. I'm not against anything religious, in fact I LOVE talking about and (at times) experiencing our religiousness. I love the story and symbolism in religion but most of all I go crazy for the wildly creative interpretation of scripture, like this for example. I've considered telling people I'm SBNER, Spiritual but not Exclusively Religious, but even then that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. So now I try to avoid boiling down my spirituality to an acronym and ask my interrogator if they'd like to sit and talk about it over lunch. When you get to know someone on a personal level it's difficult to hate them for their beliefs.

The Universe Is In Us

I can't think of anyone else who gets me ecstatic about the cosmos as much as astrophysicists, Neil deGrasse Tyson. Every time he's on the Daily Show or on a History Channel documentary he lights up whenever he talks about the majesty and grandeur of the universe.



This clip is taken from a final "sermon" on cosmic perspective he closed with at the Beyond Belief conference in 2006. There is another interesting related video which also uses this clip to help explain what Atheists may celebrate. Darwin's birthday perhaps?

The Spirituality of Brokenness

I stumbled upon this video over a year ago and it took me a lot of digging to find and embed it here. To watch this video you must have the latest version of Quicktime, believe me it's worth it. In this video Rabbi Rami spoke at Christ Community Church up in Spring Lake, Michigan last year on the spirituality in our brokenness and the suffering we experience through life.

[If the video doesn't play first make sure you have the latest version of Quicktime and if it still doesn't work try watching it here. If you're reading this through a feed reader you might have to click through to my site.]

"One becomes One. You're already one with God in all your imperfection, in all your brokenness. The people that scare me most are the people who think they're perfect. Because if you're perfect there's no where to go, right? There's no possibility for change. But spirituality seems to me is all about realizing that imperfection and brokenness is part of the greater wholeness." ~Rabbi Rami Shapiro~

Finding God After Leaving Religion

There is an insightful article published on Saturday in the Huffington Post by Steve McSwain on the spirituality of us 34 Million American 'Nones' who've left organized religion behind. You can read it here. McSwain doesn't so much attack organized religion as he explains why this movement is gathering momentum. People who can not connect with the divine in a church, temple, or mosque are connecting with it daily, intimately, wherever they might be and with whomever they might encounter. Or I should say we, now shouldn't I.

But that 's the thing about being a 'None' or an SBNR there is no concrete definition because the definition rests upon the individual, what SBNR.org has creatively tagged as the subtitle to their homepage, Open Source Spirituality. This is not to say that organized religion is so last millennium but that it doesn't speak to the 34 million Americans still yearning to connect with the divine.

I am Spiritual But Not Religious. I still go to church not for God but for community. I meditate in the mornings and I interact with other spiritual explorers online as I read and write on matters of the spirit. Throughout my day I consider the suffering of others and if I can I try to alleviate it (although my pride and my urge to look out for my own neck gets in the way a lot). I spend time working with my hands fixing things up in our new home, and I settle down to relax with my family. This is my spirituality, to simple Be. I hold no grudge against religion, nor do I consider it my enemy. Religion is a human language used to interpret and communicate the awe and wonder we behold in simply being alive. It is the creative expression of man which resulted in different religions based on their experience of the divine. Man felt something, and continues to feel something, we just express that something with different words and symbols. I believe the SBNR movement is a response to mankind elevating our religious narratives and symbols to an idolatrous state equal to the divine. Finding God after religion does not mean God can not be found in religion but that the divine is always present in every corner of our lives. McSwain expresses that nothing has to be done to enter into the presence of the divine, to know God, since God is already here. To be here now is to dwell in the constant state of divine fullness, to simply BE.

A God Shaped Hole

A God shaped hole has always been an interesting phrase commonly used by pastors, preachers, and pulpit pounders to win the souls of the lost. It assumes that we all have this gap within us that only God can fill, and by accepting Him (not Her, remember God is male!) into our lives we will be transformed into the beings we were meant to be before the Fall. At least that's the idea except our descriptions, images, and parameters of God are shaped by us. The tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao. We forget that when we speak of the eternal, we speak of the mystery not the image or manifestation of the eternal. Yet God as completely mysterious and unknowable makes the divine too distant and non-personal for billions yearning for an intimate interaction with the divine. So what does mankind do? We dress God up and create our personal image of the divine. Some of us even go as far as knowing what God loves or hates having intimate knowledge of God's mind. So how does our image of the divine line up with our God shaped hole? Is it shaped in a fashion construed to our beliefs and ideas of God, or does it transcend all definition? Does the God shaped hole change shape from religion to religion, from person to person?



The divine is shaped to the mortal limits we place upon it. It is not inherently limited, only the manifestations in which the divine pours itself from itself. In Christian terms this would be equivalent of putting on the Mind of Christ, the Christ Consciousness (Philippians 2:3-11) all Christians struggle to emulate. To be Christian is to be Christ-like, to allow the transformation within to overtake our bodies being filled with the Holy Spirit. But I am using Christian terms to describe a human experience, a natural experience. The label, the terms, the symbols, and story are merely the vessel into which the divine pours itself. Some may ask why would the divine bother with different types of containers, why would God allow for different religions to spring up. I believe this question is equivalent to asking why nature would bother to produce more than one type of species. The universe is infinitely creative and for the cosmos to not create diverse life would be an incredible waste of energy. The diversity of faiths along with the people who hold them are representative of that creativity.

The phrase A God shaped hole relates to the symbiotic relationship between the sinner and God described within a Christian context: what is a God shaped hole without a God to fill it, and what is God without a God shaped hole to fill? We may feel distant from the divine during times of suffering and loneliness, but it is at these times where we find the divine all around us, permeating throughout all things, all people, and all places. If God is Love manifesting itself through creation then God has never left us, nor will ever leave us.

Psalm 139: 7-10

Where can I go from your spirit?
Or where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I ascend to heaven, you are there;
if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.
⁹ If I take the wings of the morning
and settle at the farthest limits of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me fast.

Enjoy the Pebble

I can't get enough of Alan Watts and I don't know if it's his voice or the way he presents his philosophy, either way I find it mesmerizing. Here's an interesting audio clip, whether or not you agree with his statements.



I've also stumbled upon Alan Watts Podcast which streams his recordings which have been preserved in the archives of the Electronic University. Of course there's always Alan Watts.com but I couldn't find anything there like this.



Are you enjoying the pebble?

Is God Necessary?

No question is taboo for me, or at least no question I've come across thus far in my spiritual journey. I may even end up with the same answer I began with before asking the question, but I believe that anything which appears too sacred to be question SHOULD be questioned. I don't see any issue with questioning belief and tradition. How can your beliefs be truly yours unless you've questioned them, and until then they don't really belong to you, you belong to them. When it comes to proving the existence of God I couldn't care less; either God (as a separate divine being, the Bible God) exists or he/she/It doesn't. How does proving his existence make any difference? Does believing he exists cause us to actively change how we behave? Can we not change how we behave without a divine command?

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So is God even necessary? This would depend on your definition of God. How you define God shapes your image of God. Most people can't get around this idea because they find it offensive. They would add that it is not their idea but revealed in their holy book. Again they refuse to acknowledge the involvement of fallible humans (and fallible prophets). And even if you cover all of mankind's involvement with the belief that God protected his Word from corruption, not to forget variations due to scribal error, we still get a book which is a mash up of smaller individual works by authors from different eras, cultures, and theological views. Since the Bible is a compilation of many works the collection, reading, and interpretation of the Bible creates a new view, a Biblical view, not available to the original authors themselves, and since I'm already spouting heresy, nor available to Jesus either. It continues spiraling out of control since there have been thousands of various views and interpretations which have been considered "The Biblical View" resulting in unique communities of believers. To claim your beliefs and views of the divine were shared by the patriarchs, prophets, and early church believers is like saying Jesus was a Democrat. My point being, without falling too far off topic, is that each of us has a unique view of the divine. Uniqueness does not mean your beliefs are erroneous because you lack a majority voice to support you, unique views of the divine should be cherished, shared, and allowed to grow as well as the people behind them.

But back to the question at hand, is God necessary? As usual I respond to a question with another question: Is love necessary? Yes, love is necessary, but not just tribal love, but transcendent universal ALL embracing, enveloping, transformative love. I'm reminded of this cartoon I saw on Hackman's Musings recently which shows Christ on the cross encircled by a mass crowd holding hands with the words: All means All. That is my definition of God, not the anthropomorphic God found in scripture, a separate supernatural being, but love itself, Love Incarnate. I believe that many people (including many of the millennial generation) are having trouble connecting with the archaic view of God found in the Bible. As a millennial myself, we still yearn for that connection with the divine through new definitions and concepts on what That is. That does not have to be supernatural and some find it permeating throughout all of creation. What I think many feel is unnecessary are the definitions used to describe God, yet we are trapped by language and therefore trap the Unnameable with human words and ideas. Atheist believe God and religion is unnecessary and they don't commit any more acts of evil against humanity than believers. I don't believe God, as we once knew him, has to exist for us to be moral or even to have order and meaning in our lives. We create our own meaning and as for morality we have an inner sense of right and wrong that each of us choose whether or not to follow regardless of our beliefs. I'm not trying to disprove the existence of God, since that would be a waste of time, and theologians should spend less energy trying to scientifically prove a statement of faith.

But then another question arises: if I find the existence of God unnecessary how do I seek a God which may not even exist? What I seek is not righteousness, knowledge, or even a presence of the divine, what I seek is connection. Connection is love, love is connection, and all of it is divine. That is my That. If I were to summarize the gospels in one word it would be 'Love'. But not just acting out Love but embracing Love until it becomes a part of our identity, until Love becomes more than just an action but through us becomes alive, conscious, and all embracing. Even if God doesn't exist I believe that through Love we are actively creating God simultaneously as God creates us. And in the process of man and God co-creating each other we begin to lose where each of us end and the other begin, Tat Tvam Asi. Connection is love, love is connection, and all of it is divine.

If you find God, however you may describe the word, necessary I honor your beliefs and would like you to share how this shapes you as a person and connects you with humanity. I'm not saying you're foolish in believing in an anthropomorphic God just that I no longer connect with that view. Instead of battling to prove who's right let's share are unique views of the divine with each other.

Canyon of Faith: Part 2- We're all Connected

During my recent visits back to church I've been pondering the canyon which separates the faith I once had and the faith I have now. What really separates the me from 5 years ago from the me of today? Do our beliefs really make us better than our neighbors, and does our faith help us to love them any more than without belief? Why is it easier to be Right in Belief than Right in Love? As always I'm not out to bash Christianity but to wrestle with the unasked questions themselves, and in wrestling I might find some enlightenment even though the question may defeat me.

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I often describe my spirituality, my identity, and my relationship with the universe as a god-sized puzzle (hence the title). I chose this title during a time when I struggled with my beliefs to the point of near insanity (well, I'm probably over exaggerating). As I began studying the different world religions I noticed two things: there is no one right religion because all of them are hiding skeletons in their closet, and even though they use different symbols they all seem to point to the same thing. What that is, I have no idea and might only exist in our heads. I began this journey with a mission statement: to connect with my fellow man. That to me IS the divine, not a bearded OT God or anything supernatural, but unfortunately even using the word God is problematic which is why I gravitate towards the word, 'divine' (although 'Source', introduced to me by Don at Reflections, also has a nice ring to it).

I don't experience that interlocking connection at church. The members at Calvary Baptist (the church I attend) would say that I'm not allowing the spirit of God to enter my heart in which I would respond by stating, "the spirit of God is already within us, we're just drowning it out by singing praise to a man-made God, a God made in our image." This doesn't mean they don't experience something, they do, it's just that it doesn't speak to me. I can't connect with the death and resurrection imagery of Christ on the same level as they do. It might just be that they do feel connected to each other and to God and their desire to bring people into the fold is their way of sharing this experience (which is fine as long as sharing is done in the spirit of love, without pressure and threat of hellfire). The main issue which keeps me on the far ledge of Christianity, or any other faith for that matter, is that their connection with mankind and the divine has borders, their relationship has limits. Christians can connect with other Christians, even with varying denominations, but have trouble connecting with Muslims, and so on and so forth. Loyalty to your tribe and to your beliefs supersede compassion and connection with your neighbor. The only way to keep your religious identity and truly connect with others is by holding your beliefs very gently and very lightly. The Bible doesn't have to be literally true to be spiritually true, and even if it's spiritually true at the time of it's canonization does not mean that it is exclusively true in our 21st century global society.

Why is this so hard when it sounds so easy? Do we really have to be Right in Belief instead of Right in Love? Every time a Christian questions me on the state of my soul they ask me, "what if you're wrong?" I always respond by telling them that a compassionate God would not fry an Atheist or an Agnostic for loving their neighbor. And if this "compassionate" God would indeed fry people for wrong belief than I would still continue loving people regardless of my afterlife destination. Real grace, love, and compassion can't be freely given under threat of annihilation or divine command. The source of our love for each other should come from within, from our shared human spirit. When we begin to realize our connections with our neighbor we honor their humanity and our equality. For stardust we are, and unto stardust we shall return. For as walking, talking stardust, the "fruit of the universe" to use the words of Alan Watts, we are gifted with a narrow window of existence in which to interact with the world around us. Who are we to increase the pain and suffering of others within that short window? Let us enjoy this gift, and celebrate life together before our return to the place of our birth.

Canyon of Faith: Part 1- We're All the Same

During my recent visits back to church I've been pondering the canyon which separates the faith I once had and the faith I have now. What really separates the me from 5 years ago from the me of today (other than 2 kids, a new house, and a degree)? Is it really as simple as belief in Jesus Christ or something more? How do views of ourselves and of others affect our interconnectedness with our fellow man? As always I'm not out to bash Christianity but to wrestle with the unasked questions themselves, and in wrestling I might find some enlightenment even though the question may defeat me.

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When I hear pastors preach about the Christian life I'm always surprised how me-centered it all sounds more so than other-centered. It's all about my salvation, my soul, my personal relationship with Jesus. That's not to say that Christianity excludes other-centered language but for many believers it takes a backseat. Of course, this me-centered language is extremely helpful when witnessing to lost souls. All people yearn for love and acceptance, but I get a since that mainstream Christians believe that their love will be wrenched away from them the second they question their own beliefs. Their love from their in-group, their tribe, may be conditional but it doesn't have to be. Yet the conditions for acceptance into the group by default leaves others out while elevating the saved to a higher lofty position. Last week the pastor at the church I've been attending (I hesitate to say My pastor at My church) stated that "we're still sinners, but we are saved." I would imagine this would be very convincing language to the unsaved in the crowd, other than myself of course.

Yet, my question to the pastor, whenever I get the courage to ask, would be if we're all the same then why create an in group at all? If the divide between saved and unsaved is acceptance of life (illustrated and symbolized by the sacrificial Christ) how does this create an in group since I can't imagine anyone choosing death? We all choose life by living, we just don't choose to follow archaic tribal belief systems. This doesn't mean that the modern man of science who may want to do away with religion has done away with what religion points towards. Life is sacred, not the icons which represent life. The creative spirit of Man is sacred, not the myth which attempts to explain that creativity. We are sacred, not a select in-group or tribe, but even using the word sacred bears a sense of setting apart. I'm not trying to set anything apart but I'm trapped by language (and by my limited vocabulary) and experience. I can only experience separateness so I speak using words which define separateness. I would like to say we're all the same, we're all one, but language makes the phrase problematic. How can WE be the same, how can WE be one when we don't experience oneness? Yet this is how I would like to approach my fellow man: if I consider the stranger so deeply interconnected to myself that I begin to lose track of where they end and I begin how can I not be compassionate towards them?

But saying we're all one is not the same as saying we're all the same. The unity found in Pantheism/Panentheism (which I sympathize with but have not entirely embraced) is different from the unity most Christians would be comfortable with using their language and their set of symbols. Their goal is not to destroy the ego (if it were even possible) but to save the ego. We all start in the same place, within ourselves; we travel in the same manner by connecting with one another; and we have the same goal in mind yet we call it by different names. I believe that by saying we're saved (past tense) comes across to the outsider, the unsaved, as exclusive and demeaning to their spirituality. Being saved also sounds so final, as if we've reached a spiritual plateau while leaving the unsaved below (in the valley of death). I know the average Christian would seek to correct my understanding of the Christian faith (which I was a part of for the majority of my life) but this is how it may come across to non-Christians. We may be trapped by language but that doesn't justify forgetting our shared humanity. In my opinion, this is what happens when we enter into an IN group, we're so focused on ourselves that we forget that we're all the same. We forget we all share the same origin, we all experience suffering, and we're all in it together. We forget that we're part of the whole and the whole is a part of us.

Adventures in Unitarian Land: Part 2- Additional Thoughts

Last week I wrote on my recent encounter with the Unitarian Universalists of Murfreesboro. I was actually so surprised by the similarities between my beliefs and theirs as well as stunned by their symbolism that I questioned if I wasn't already a UU. What I didn't get around to mentioning in my last post is the second half of the service.

As Sharon concluded her talk (I hesitate to use the word 'sermon' to describe this very informal talk) the UUs passed the collection plate (everyone's got to eat) and moved to extinguishing of the Chalice.

"And now we extinguish our chalice, but not the one that
burns forever in our hearts.
It glows bright to help us face the world's shadows,
with a chalice of light.
To face the world's coldness,
with a chalice of warmth,
To face the world's terrors
with a chalice of courage.
To face the world's turmoil,
with a chalice of peace.
May its glow fill our spirits, our hearts, and our lives,
until we meet here again in peace, hope and love."

At first I wondered why they would even extinguish the flame. Why not keep an eternal flame burning (again forgetting they were meeting in borrowed space)? I had overlooked the simplicity and symbolism of the extinguishing of the Chalice: the chalice is merely a physical representation of the symbolic flame we have within ourselves. Through community connection and reflection we keep spirit alive: that which binds and interweaves us with each other. I believe it points to that primal energy, the core of our humanity. The lighting and extinguishing of the chalice is a reminder of where we came from, who we are now, and the hidden potential of our future.

During the second half of the service we had the choice between going on a meditation walk or participating in a Q and A with the guest speaker. Although I found the idea of a meditation walk intriguing I'm drawn to discussion and dialog. The comments and questions circled around the theme of our difficulty to control ourselves during pressure situations. Belief and dependence on a deity for assistance, and even the concept of a deity itself, was never mentioned. I was tempted to bring up the Hebrew phrase hevel havalim, "breath of breath", from the wisdom of Ecclesiastes and the concept of living in an impermanent and chaotic world. But I'm not a good public speaker and I enjoy hearing others speak more than myself (I do enough of that here) so I kept my mouth shut. What I did enjoy was the open interaction as well as the themes of connection and unity you don't see at other churches. I believe these are vital for the human spirit although the symbols, language, and imagery are just what they are: symbols, language and imagery. They point towards what we struggle to name yet the tangible is just as impermanent as the rest of the cosmos, frail and extinguishable.

Origins of A God-Sized Puzzle

I started this blog in the fall of 2008 inspired by a musing I had one day during one of Rabbi Rami's classes (which if any students still attending MTSU should take at least one of his courses). That original musing became the mission statement for A God-Sized Puzzle, which held a pretty bold goal for me at the time. Although I have strayed from some of the language in the original statement I feel I have followed its spirit. The concept behind a God-Sized Puzzle was simple: to learn how we are connected to and interdependent with each other, and by realizing our place in the puzzle we understand our importance and need for each other. I believe this should lead us to becoming more compassionate towards one another despite our tribal nature and the inherent differences of our tribal identities.

As an assignment for one of the Rabbi's classes we wrote an essay stating our beliefs in which the option to submit it to the This I Believe project by NPR was heavily encouraged. This I Believe collects belief statements by people from all walks of life in an effort to establish a global dialog. In it I spoke of our uniqueness within this God-Sized Puzzle and my personal quest to learn from my fellow pieces. The Rabbi responded to my article stating he wrote something similar in his book Wisdom of the Jewish Sages. I recently found a short but wonderfully beautiful video excerpt which captures my present interpretation of A God-Sized Puzzle.

"Consider a jigsaw puzzle. Each piece has its place, and no other piece can fit that place. Yet no one piece makes sense on its own. Each piece needs the whole for its integrity and coherence. And the whole needs each piece to fulfill its purpose and bring meaning and order to the puzzle. Once a piece is in its proper place, its separateness is surrendered. We know a piece is in its place when it blends with the whole and disappears. What is true for a puzzle is true for Reality, with one exception: There is no hand putting us in our place. We must do that for ourselves. We must discover our place and take it. And when we do this, we discover the integrity and meaning of the whole; we discover the divine energy that flows through all things that links each to the other and all to God." -Rabbi Rami M. Shapiro, Wisdom of the Jewish Sages.

This is my spirituality: to discover my place in the whole and by embracing the All, the God-Sized Puzzle, we can become more loving and compassionate to our fellow man.