You've Changed

A big thank you to Andrew Hackman of Hackman's Musings for sharing this recent cartoon by nakedpastor (seriously can't believe I haven't subscribed to his RSS feed. Subscribed!).

[You've Changed by David Hayward]

I've gotten the You think too much and you read too much the most when I speak to others about my deconversion. Although, I would rather describe it more of discovering my own journey than a deconversion. I was never converted to Christianity in the first place (I was one of the lucky souls born into the faith) and there was no single moment where I abandoned Christianity cold turkey. This cartoon vividly describes my departure from the church. I believe if we look beyond the snappy one liners we'll find the pain of separation beneath and in between the statements. Anyone who's left the church (or any faith) can attest it is a painful experience to wrench yourself from your community, friends, and family. Those left behind feel betrayed, and the one leaving feels alone, exiled, without a home. It's not an easy decision that many are willing to make, yet feel they must to feel true to themselves.

I remember one conversation I had with my wife about my change of faith when I had an epiphany and I freely admitted I could not pray without feeling I was somehow lying. I had convinced myself for months I could stay in the church and go through the motions only to realize in the end I would  be lying to everyone around me. This doesn't mean I refuse to go to church if invited. I would bow my head out of respect and reverence but I would not be praying to any god. I pray with my kids at night and during meals because we had decided to raise the children Southern Baptist. I keep my beliefs to myself unless asked directly.  So when I have these types of interactions with believers I don't take it personally anymore because even the beliefs and ideas I hold now are subject to change.

It is not an easy decision to step away from any community. And as someone who thinks too much I thought about this constantly before making any public declaration on straying from the fold. The fact that we ("the straying sheep") thought about the social ramifications means we do care. Our ties to family, friends, and to our community and roots are very important, but so is our personal quest of self discovery. When I left the church it wasn't because I was being led astray by the devil or that I love sin too much. I left the cackle of voices telling me how to be human and set out on a journey to experience my humanity. I had questions to ask and wrestle with and no environment in which to tackle these questions. Some would ask "why ask these questions in the first place?" and then go on to show me their bag of answers.

I'm not looking for easy answers, I'm looking for questions that will last a lifetime answering.

I'm looking to discover myself in others and others in myself.

I'm looking to simply be.

Retaining Your Identity

Dr. James McGrath over at Exploring Our Matrix recently asked "if you are a 'none' or even if you are connected with a religion, do you care if your children shift identities?" The short answer is no, not at all. The main reason why is because I shifted through several different identities myself within the last 5 years. I hope they remain open-minded and I don't care which faith they eventually settle with as long as the faith resonates with them. Although, I would rather they don't become fundamentalists of any faith.

[My Alien II by Bloommer. Follow the link to check out some of Bloomer's other works.]

I admit I would like to see my children follow my beliefs but I realize the beliefs I (currently) accept are the result of years of questioning, exploring, and evolving. I believe two people may follow the same faith tradition but their personal religious and/or spiritual experiences are unique. My wife is Baptist and since I (currently) consider myself a None we are raising them in the Baptist tradition. Religion is a touchy subject in our family so as the odd man out I try not to stir the pot and I'm fine with attending whatever church we call home (we begin church shopping next week). What I DO want to pass on to my children is to be loving towards your neighbor and to follow the wisdom of Ecclesiastes: eat, drink, have a few good friends, a career they love, and be merry. As a None I personally believe that as the globe becomes more interconnected people will begin to question their previous tribal and religious boundaries. I don't care if my children shift identities, what I do care is how they relate to their neighbor.

Aronofsky's Noah, Not PG-13

 First I'd like to give a hat tip across the pond to Matt Page of Bible Films Blog for all of the incredible work he does on his blog; I highly recommend his page for any and all Bible film news. I've been following Darren Aronofsky's Noah Project for quite some time and it finally seems he's getting around to making it. He's working on a 4 part graphic novel sci-fi adaptation entitled Noah which he would like to adapt to film once he secures a studio (he's currently working on The Wolverine). You can read the full story here and here.



So what is Darren Aronofsky's Noah like? If you're familiar with his previous work Darren does not shy away from troubled protagonists. No, this Noah will not be the Noah we've grown up with in Sunday school, this troubled Noah turns to the bottle (err...the vine) to help him deal with his survivor's guilt. And how can you blame him, his entire world was taken out by a massive flood and all that's left of the human race is him and his family. Of course if and when this film releases there will be protests, boycotts, and counter-films for displaying Noah as more human than Evangelicals remember him in Sunday School. Hopefully this would inspire the faithful to actually read the book they consider divinely-inspired.

Does the Divine Forgive?

There's been quite a few posts in my feed reader written along the theme on the Divine's relationship with humanity focusing specifically on forgiveness. Sola Ratione has written a guest post at Unreasonable Faith explaining God's lack of forgiveness as he takes out his anger issues towards mankind's sinfulness on well, himself. Don at Reflections questions if Jesus' death was necessary and concludes that because of our injustices his death was a human inevitability not a divine necessity. Sam at The Scientific Universalist (whom I highly recommend reading) reflects on her experience wrestling with faith and doubt through a difficult period in her life. Andrew Hackman at Hackman's Musings has also recently written a gem I somehow overlooked (I'm trying to catch up on my blog feeds) on the topic of hell as a form of control and self vindication.

Throughout all of these I've found that we as a species have a lot of trouble of simply letting go. Of course this isn't news but I wonder why we continue to hold onto previous transgressions others (including God, the universe, fate, etc) have committed against us? What do we gain by holding back our forgiveness from ourselves and others? It's easy, too easy, to always play the part of the victim while receiving self satisfaction through the knowledge that we've been wronged. In my personal experience forgiveness brings about a wave of relief for all parties involved, but this process also makes us vulnerable. Forgiveness opens that part of ourselves up which we instinctively feel we must guard by all means necessary. It allows us to move on past the harmful event and rebuild the relationships which mean the most to us. This is done not by being constantly reminded of our mistakes (i.e. the imagery of the crucified Christ) through guilt but by forgiving and forgetting. Forgetting entails letting go of past transgressions while still learning from our mistakes. Forgiveness comes from our shared humanity and experiences. We all wrestle with our brokenness and to hold our brothers and sisters to an unreachable level of perfection lacks of compassion.

The Need for Fear

[I've been busy with work so my apologies for the outdated post.]

In a previous post on the fears of Evangelicals Don brought up a GREAT question in the comment section. Whenever he talks with evangelicals on the fear factors of their beliefs he asks

"Why do you need this fear?"

I absolutely love thought provoking questions like these and although this question isn't directed towards me I will still attempt to tackle it. I think believers choose to believe in a vengeful God and an eternal place of torment because the alternative seems too scary for them: living in a chaotic world. They would rather live with the lesser fear, a judgmental God in control of the cosmos, than the greater fear, a random and chaotic world with no guarantee of an afterlife. They've created a scenario in their minds where these are the only two options in deciphering reality.

Believers who accept the first option are gambling (Pascal Wager style!) that it is better to take a change at living a life in fear of a god which may grant them a minute chance at eternal life than not attempting to gamble at all. I understand their reasoning (you can't win the lottery if you don't play) even though I don't believe in the game of heaven and hell. All of this is driven by the ancient and primitive instinct of self preservation. We know death is coming and we obsess over it throughout our culture, from our popular media and advertisements (think about how many products and slogans focus on "happiness") right down to our daily rituals. Tick tock tick tock, death is coming, death is coming. Survive, survive, survive. It's no wonder that people are driven to religion for comfort and escape.

And yet, all of this is an obsession over something that will eventually happen. Evangelicals need this fear because it is easier to swallow, it offers a mental escape from the inevitable. The set back is that mankind is so preoccupied with the uncertain future that we waste our lives in the present while our eyes and heart are fixed in the future. To live in the present is perceived by some as foolishly letting your guard down of what may be waiting to pounce on us just around the corner. Pastors and doomsday preachers feed off of this fear like parasites engorging themselves with followers and self-righteousness as they weaken the frightened flock. The look on the faces of church goers after an old fashioned fire and brimstone sermon is heart breaking, and their attempts to hide their fear behind trinket smiles is devastating. I can find nothing uplifting about waiting for a chance at happiness in the afterlife (IF you believe and behave).  Yes this world is painful but along with it comes the chance to experience moments of happiness which if we truly live in the NOW becomes all the more precious as death approaches.

Enveloped in Fear

One of my long time blogging friends Don of Reflections has recently commented on the fear factor which has enveloped the lives of many evangelical Christians. (I know this post is a tad outdated but I felt this was still worth commenting.)

I have come to the inevitable conclusion that a large number of evangelical Christians live in fear. Fear of God, fear of the future, fear of the unknown. This fear may not be a 24/7 thing to them…or it may be. The indoctrination within evangelical Christianity teaches them to fear the judgment and condemnation  of a God who loves them. I think many evangelicals "need" this fear to keep them "in line", to keep them on the "straight and narrow". I just don’t understand this thinking anymore. To me it is so schitzophrenic. How could God be loving and condemning at the same time. IMO, he can’t. It’s that simple, He Can’t…

Note that he didn't say ALL Christians or even ALL Evangelical Christians, but a large number within this cultural and religious subgroup. And also to clarify (for my occasional Christian readers, please don't take offense) this is not another jab at Christianity and its belief system, but merely a comment on a particular view within a very large cultural subgroup in America. I strongly believe that like Jacob in Genesis who wrestled with his humanity and the Divine we too should wrestle with who and what we are. Don hit the nail on the head by his last line "How could God be loving and condemning at the same time." For many people this question does not even bubble to the surface because by merely asking this "heretical" question they fear the walls of reality will come crashing down upon them.

Fear causes separation, and love can't truly reside among and within us if fear is present. It simply can't! If God (however you may use the word) is love then there is no punishment to fear. It really is that simple. But why should we give in to the fear which makes us distant, condemning, and even outright prejudice against our neighbor? Evangelicals may claim that they are only following God's Will by hating what God hates but how is that any better? Shouldn't our goal be to transcend the holy hatred that divided our tribal ancestors? Should we not be more compassionate than our fathers?

A huge factor which fuels the Evangelical's fear of everything considered "un-Christian" is their fear of losing their identity. For many people their belief system and way of life IS their identity. To remove, change, or in any way alter any component of their beliefs places their own identity into question which then throws their entire perception of reality into question. What most people see as meaningless and random chaos I choose (keyword) to see an endless sea of new life and new possibilities. The universe is an explosive arena of creativity and as the most advanced expression of the universe how can we stop ourselves at any one point in history and say "this is it, no more change". History, life, and mankind will continue progressing long after we're gone. The Christianity of today HAS evolved from the Christianity of 2000 years ago (most Christians forget that the first Christians were Jewish AND occupied by the Romans; a perfect storm scenario for the creation of apocalyptic and messianic literature), and in another 2000 years, if Christianity survives, it would be completely alien from the Christianity of today. As the world becomes more globally interconnected and aware of itself the previous tribal walls of separation and identity are beginning to melt on a massive scale. We are also beginning to disassociate ourselves with our previous concepts of morality: we no longer need a god which threatens us with damnation to keep us in line, we keep ourselves in line because we recognize our shared humanity with our neighbor. We are no longer enveloped and driven by fear, we are guided by compassion and love.

So Many Articles, So Little Time

It's terribly difficult in keeping up with all of the bloggers I follow on the internets through my feed reader, but then again there are a lot of good reads out there. Here are a few postings which caught my eye recently.

Andrew Hackman (Happy Belated Birthday!) shares a video from RSA Animate and his thoughts on reforming the public education system. And if you're unfamiliar with the videos by RSA Animate I encourage you to visit their Youtube channel. It's definitely worth your time.

John Shore has quickly become one of my favorite bloggers: passionate, witty, a down right rascal. Here's a recent posting entitled What Non-Christians Want Christians to Hear. (It's not about how much they LOVE to sin. It's quite the opposite.)

Scotteriology shares a video of a Bible Defenders video game. No foolin'! You can play as creation science evangelists Carl Baugh and Kent Hovind along with author Gail Riplinger and Pastor Peter Ruckman in this Mario-esque parody game. This reminds me of a video game made for the original Nintendo Entertainment System I used to play called Exodus: Journey to the Promised Land. Ahh, nostalgia.

And last but not at all least, Sabio at Triangulations recently wrote on Religious Prescriptionists found in faiths other than Christianity. Gasp!